Posted 9/8/2013 6:52 AM (GMT -8)
I have recently split with a guy I had been dating for 5 years who has CF. I knew before we got together that he had CF, and I think it made it easier for him, but in the back of his mind he was of the view that he should probably never date because he had CF and it would be irresponsible. Of course I disagreed with this as I believe he is entitled to happiness as much as any other person, if not more given the hand he's been dealt to be honest, and no one ever knows what the future holds. So for years he managed to ignore this notion (for the most part) because we clicked so well and were having too much fun! Until I became firm with what I wanted in the relationship - to live together, which had been on the cards for some time.
This may sound like some sort of commitment issue or that maybe he didn't care about me as much as I did him but it's not. He is the kindest and most selfless person I have ever met, and because of this, all he wants is someone who can take care of me and who will make me happy. He says he couldn't live with himself by making the relationship any more serious but that he didn't regret our time together. Whilst he is currently in a relatively stable condition, he is 30 and feels that it's only downhill from here. He feels that this is the time that I should be planning my future, and that we have no future together because of his condition. He also feels guilty that because of CF, he can't be a "good boyfriend" to me by doing the things I love like being active outdoors and travelling because he doesn't have the energy or capacity anymore. His words, certainly not mine. These things are not an issue for me as there are workarounds, but though I try, I cannot absolve his guilt.
It has been at times a difficult journey for me, we have lost a few friends along the way with CF and he's seen how hard that's been for me. He knows that when/if things end badly that I would eventually be ok, but that it's no longer about me but more that he can't deal with the idea of putting me through that, so when the time comes, he wants me to have a partner who is going to be able to help me through it.
I have tried fighting him on this for 6 months now since he broke up with me, but he won't budge. I asked him to talk about it with someone from the hospital and their advice whilst highly amusing in its absurdity, was not helpful. Granted they said that they had never encountered this scenario before.
Does anyone have any advice? We are still close but I am at the end of my tether, and as a last resort I'm planning to move overseas because I can't deal with this anymore.