Posted 2/15/2007 10:10 AM (GMT -8)
My name is Angie, Im completely new to this forum and any sort of group support associated with my CF. Im 27 and was diagnosed with CF at 6 months old. I was always quite healthy for someone with CF, especially for a rebellious teenager and young adult who rarely did what I was supposed to... of course, Im paying for it now. I could be much healthier if I had submitted to treatment a long time ago. My attitude, however, I believe has greatly contributed to my success in that I have never lived as though I was sick, I never allowed CF to become my identity and I did everything that a normal, healthy person did and I believe that has kept my mind healthy which in turn has kept my body (relatively) healthy. I didnt really start getting sick until 5 years ago. I mean, I had problems in high school, such as episodic arthritis and the occasional lung infection but nothing that I couldnt recover from. I never did breathing treatments and I didnt even know that I needed to. Now I do 4-5 albuterol treatments and 1 pulmozyme treatment and I wake up in the night with my chest so tight that I have to do a breathing treatment and sleep indian-style with my head over 3-4 pillows to keep from having to cough. Im in so much pain that, despite my over-all health being fairly good, I have to take pain killers just to get around. I cough so hard that I bruise ribs and pull muscles BUT I also build muscles, I have KILLER abs :). I wish I could go back 9 years and erase the years that I drank excessively and hung out in smoky bars and trade them for responsible evenings of monopoly and risk and breathing treatments. My whole life Ive taken advantage of the fact that Im healthy for someone with CF and now I feel like a fool who has wasted the advantage and Im spending a lot of time now trying to get back to where I was, to no avail. All I can do now is keep a healthy mind and not do anything that will jeopardize my health any further.
When I was in 2nd grade I had a friend with CF (the only other person I have ever known who also has it) and she was very sick. While I had a cough, she had diabetes and was very frail and coughed harder and more frequently than I did. She eventually moved to California for better treatment and while Im not positive, because we didnt keep in touch, I dont believe that she is still alive. It creates such a strong reality of the situation that I have never wanted to face and only lately have I been willing to think and possibly accept that I really only have a good 5-10 years, maybe, left of my own life. I recently got married and I have a dog and no chance to have kids. I feel constant guilt over the fact that I got married because I love my husband so much and I dont think its fair that he is with someone that wont be with him forever and while I did inform him of my dis-ease, we never really spoke of the reality of my young death. I dont want to go through this alone but it isnt something that he is able to talk about and I really want to hear from others who are going through the same thing, it may provide some sanity!! I really have a great sense of humor despite this not-so-funny posting, Im a lot of fun to talk to, really! SO, I really hope to hear from people like me... and well, if there isnt anyone in my situation... congratulations :)