Hello and I am sorry for your loss. I agree you need to get together with others during the Holiday. People that are safe for you and will be able to help you through your rough time.
If you need medical help please go to the nearest ER and someone there will help you.
Is there any chance you can make up with your family? I do not know the details but just thought I would ask?
Gentle Hugs to you and please keep posting. We are here, even on Christmas Eve. :)