My understands the Fibro, but she doesnt understand the things that come with it. I know two people personally who have it. One of which told me about it 2 years ago, she is the reason I found out about it! I have talked to her once about the depression and stuff. The other one my mom and I talked to when she found out I was taking Lyrica and had possibly been dx. I think she scared by mom to death when she was explaining the IBS she experienced and that I would probably too. She asked questions about it...I am not good talking like that, I told her I was normal, and my mom was standing there. I felt the anxiety go into overdrive. I do experience symptoms of IBS, I just havent told anyone.
But, my mom doesnt understand that Fibro doesnt just mean I am in pain, it comes with depression and all sorts of things. She knows because my dad showed her one of the Fibro sites, but I guess she just doesnt think that it is me. She wont accept that I am depressed and all the other stuff. Some things I cant say on here, but I will honestly tell you that it has gotten really bad before. Luckily, I talked to my friend, who had experienced similar things before. I was afraid at first until I learned how similar we are. So, I tell her everything and she understands. But, I have no one else to talk to about certain things, just her. Thats why I feel guilty.
I am not allowed to say everything on here so I talk to her. She understands what is going on with me and the things in my head. Luckily, I have gained control of the bad things, now I am just depressed. I wish my mom could understand that.
Maybe when I go back, my doc will explain everything to my mom, and I will have the courage to answer questions honestly. All docs seems to enjoy referring me to someone else, so maybe he will refer me to someone who specializes in Fibro, who knows. Although, I am pretty sure there isnt a doc here that does....
Anyways, maybe as I get older I can explain it more to her. Right now I am just trying to deal with it, even though I am alone in it, I have to stay strong until one day I can get it out. I know you guys are always here for me, but you can only do so much.
I dont like people to hug me, I have never really been hugged alot...but I almost wish I could tell one special person everything, we could both cry, and they would hold me, and comfort me and tell me that it will be ok. I imagine that special moment. I am just not sure who I will tell. I just wanted to be comforted. I have never had that really.
I guess that is kind of sad. I dont remember my parents ever hugging me. I know they love me, but they never say it. We are not really close. I remember one time when I was younger, I asked my mom if she really loved me. She said yes of course I love you. She didnt hug and comfort me and let me know she really meant it. I know she really does. All parents have unconditional love, but she never shows it, or says it.
Maybe that is part of my problem, I dont know. Sorry this is so long. I guess I am getting some of the really emotional stuff out....Thanks for listening to my venting.
Sorry I missed the part about the holidays. Christmas was good, but I felt really bad, I was not into it at all. I got everything I asked for...but I still wasnt happy. The past few days have ben horrible.
Christmas night was bad, I had to get my friend to talk to me. I always text her when it gets bad, then she tells me happy things. Its my strategy I came up with! Then, last night, I just started crying. I was angry all day and went out and walked for a long time. I have some teen things I am struggling with so my head is all messed up. I have so much going on inside of it. I also yelled at my mom yesterday, we were arguing and thats when I left and went outside. Then, I cried last night for hours because I am struggling with so much. I didnt text my friend because I hate to put so much on her. So, I was alone with it. I tell her everything, but I have one thing I havent told anyone, thats what I am struggling with. I dont know.
I have been doing so great from the Lyrica! I get dizzy and off balanced so I think I was walking along and stumbled into a huge black hole. So, now its a very low point. But, I know it will get better. I go to the doc soon so I am anxious.
Sorry this is way long. My head is all messed up....
"Sometimes when I say 'Oh Im fine' I want someone to
look me in the eyes and say 'Tell the truth'
"Cracks in the concrete are just reminders that you fall apart
no matter how strong you are"
"You asked what was wrong and I smiled and said, 'Nothing' then I turned around and whispered...'Everything'
talk and laugh too loud...its because I am trying to forget that I am sad."
"Sometimes it is best to forget what you feel and remember what you deserve"
"Im going to
smile like nothing is wrong, talk like everything is perfect, act like its all a dream, and pretend its not hurting me."
Post Edited (TeNNiSd0C09) : 12/27/2007 1:02:43 PM (GMT-7)