Please do not feel guilty. That only makes it worse.
I have never shared this on here, but I know exactly what you are talking about
. I struggle the same as you. It doesnt sound insane to me. I know what the stress is like with having to do work. I know what you are going through. I did it for a few months....but it became a habit...an addiction. I dont want you to go through that. I stopped on my own. Because I knew what I was doing was wrong. It is your fault. You just dont know how else to cope. And that is ok. For me, I tried the music and it helped. But, of course, the urge is still there. Its hard being under so much stress not knowing how to cope. But, you need a new way. I started painting. Painting helped me get away from the urge. I also write. I just get some paper and a pen and write down all of my feelings.
Try writing your feelings down or saying them out loud to yourself. Say why you feel the way you do. Give it some time. Do something to occupy yourself. Whenever I felt the urge, I would go write, paint, get something to drink, sit and try to meditate, anything relaxing to get you away from it. You have to find an alternative.
I finally said one night....I quit....I am not doing it anymore no matter what....it went one week and I was so proud I wanted to keep going....it only lasted 11 weeks before I did it again, but I have not done it since then....and I am VERY proud!!! You just have to learn to cope in a different healthier way!
If you feel like you need to talk to your therapist, call her. Thats what she is there for. She would rather talk to you than have you hurt yourself. You are strong and you can get through this, I know it! We are all here for you! And keep posting. Dont be afraid, and it is nothing to be ashamed of. We will help if possible, and we will support you! Post whenever you need to. Please let us know what happens.
Take Care of Yourself
Dx: Tendonitis(L knee 02'), Chondromalacia Patella(R knee 02'), Fibromyalgia (07'), Plantar Fascitis(L foot Nov.04' erased with surgery July 05')
Not Dx: Depression, Anxiety/Panic Attacks, Social Phobia, Mild OCD
Meds tried: all the OTC stuff, Mobic, and Lyrica.
"Healing is an energy phenomenon. Hope is another
word for Healing.
"Cracks in the concrete are just reminders that you fall apart
no matter how strong you are"
talk and laugh too loud...its because I am trying to forget that I am sad."
"Sometimes it is best to forget what you feel and remember what you deserve"
"Im going to
smile like nothing is wrong, talk like everything is perfect, act like its all a dream, and pretend its not hurting me."