Hello and welcome to Healing Well. I am Kitt.
I do understand your problem and I have lived it myself, however I fianlly figured out that the person getting hurt the worst was myself.
You may feel you love this person but if that was how you both felt you would have left your husband and somehow chosen each other before your lover married. I am not judging you as I did a lot worse, but there is a time when you stop and realize your in love with the idea of love.
Sometimes we stay with someone because they are safe, your husband has been your safety net as you were able to go to the other man for excitement and sympathy when you were upset with your husband but you did not divorce him as your lover was not offering you security..........am I close on that one? I may be way off base.
I am very concerned that you are so sad and it may be time to end the relationship for good with the boyfriend and start learning to make your marriage better. :)
Now I am going to say what I would do and if others feel different, so be it, this is not a debate but just me. I would not tell your husband as all it can do is hurt him................if you end the relationship, it is over and you keep to yourself your mistake. You are the only one that can forgive yourself for poor judgement and hurting someone else at this point would not ease your guilt.
IMHO I would see a counselor for yourself to, just to help you learn how to deal with your feelings.
There is something comforting about baring your soul to the members of Healing Well and still being able to be anonymous. I hope you keep posting and I wish you peace as we move into the New Year.
Co-Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders
Co-Moderator Crohn's Disease Forum
*~* Not a mental health professional at all *~*
Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression, GERD, Osteoarthritis
*Wife of a Crohnie*