Hi there L&L,
I can relate to what you are saying. I had an affair for many years and my late husband never found out. He was mean to me too. Kept me under his thumb like a tack. I loved the guy too and I know that he loved me but he had kids all over the place and finally remarried his first wife, it was a strategic move for a financial break from child support. But I know he loved his kids. If he would have been with me he would have had to pay child support out of the you know what. Basically the point I am trying to get accross is people can love more than one person. But the other woman, aka you, are always going to be last. I am sorry to say that but it is true, especially if there are children involved.
After my husband died of cancer, we never did hook up again. I met somebody else eventually and kind of forgot about the guy. So life does go on and people change. Just be glad that you didn't get caught, this might be something that was meant to be for a while so that you would feel good about yourself. Who knows. I know one thing, don't let yourself feel guilty for haveing someone be good to you and show you love, you probably needed that. But please be careful, you don't know what your husband would do and now that he is being nice to you,(and I hope he sincerely is) maybe you will fall back in love with him.
These temporary affairs are what they are, temporary. You know that the man loves his wife and that is that. I am sure he loves you to but isn't going to leave his wife. So please don't think badly of yourself, just store it away with other good memories.
I wish you the best,
fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, clinically depressed and allergies