Please don't feel like a failure, you are not. You just might have to change what it is you want to do. And remember you have that chance of going back next year.
All or nothing thinking stops us from realizing the options in the grey areas. The in between areas I guess I should say. Look at the positive things that you have accomplished. You have come a long way. It is not the end of the world. You have other options, try to see it that way. You wont feel so helpless in that way.
Try to put the bf out of your mind, that could be what is interupting your studies. He will be there for you eventually, but you have to be there for yourself now and negative thinking will not help that. Think of the positives and your head will clear. I promise. If your boyfriend can't handle you venting, then either quit venting with him or find someone else who will listen. Like a therapist.
But seriously, you have to put all you have into college right now, that is what you are paying for, to learn. If you keep letting your bf distract you, you are wasting your time in school. Please understand, you have your whole life ahead of you. Your bf doesn't make who you are, you do.
Good luck, keep us posted as to how you are doing. Keep studying, your social life can be put on hold until you accomplish what it is you are trying to do.
Luv and hugs,
fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, clinically depressed and allergies