I too think that you should go back on your meds until your head is clear enough to make a definate decision. Why did you take so many xanax? Never mind, I just reread your post and now I know.
As was said, I think that maybe you could try another medication without the zombie effect. Go back to your doctor and ask for help.
Do you go to therapy? Because it sounds like you need that to figure out why you were in such desparation. A little cognitive therapy would really help you right now.
In the meantime keep us posted.