I know you are going through so much right now. I am sorry for the way that your parents treat you, it isn't right. You have to grieve honey, so take it one day at a time and let the grieving process come as it may. Just go with it, soon you will feel better.
You will always wonder, what if? But you need to try to put that into the past and take life one day at a time now. Later on in life you will be able to have another baby and you will be able to enjoy it. I can't wait until you get your degree and can leave home and live your life the way you want to without your parents dictating your every step. What they have done to you isn't fair, but you will have to deal with that at another time. You will probably have some resentful feelings towards them but try not to let that make you bitter. Your parents are too concerned about appearances. That is so superfiscal. You are a wonderful person Confused. And I can see that you are confused right now with being pulled in so many directions. So for now focus on your goals with school, that is something productive and will be good for you.
Remember we are here for you right now and I imagine that you will need to vent a lot. Make sure that you come here to get it out. You need that right now and we are here to help you get through this. Let your feelings out here and that will free your mind up for your studies. I am glad that you posted, we all have been wondering how you are. You are a part of our family now and we truly care about you.
Get some rest now, cry if you need, it is cleansing and you need to get these emotions out. Just remember how much we care about you. You are in my thoughts and prayers my dear. And I am always here for you.
Love and hugs,