I follow what my Pshycologits tells me about
my condition. But the truth is I don't understand it. My mind, every day its in its own little world. I need to go back to my Clinical Theripist but I'm just in this rutt that won't stop. Every day I wake up and ask myself, What are you still doing here? But that thought goes away as the morning rolls on. I just feel all alone in my own little mirage. My wife has been great thoughout the last year. (which has been up and down). I feel like she deserves so much more than I have to offer. We have no friends, no social life, or sex life for that matter. Day to day we get along as a married couple would. The trouble is I just feel as if I'm wasting her time. I feel as if we are isolated from the world. Society is a crazy place. I was a rebel child and didn't do well in school. Not that I couldn't do it but I opted to be a pain in everybodys ... I didn't like school, I really regret it now. Anyway about
depression. The area I live there has been several Suicides in the past weeks. A police offier, A professional, A young man like myself. The scary thing about
the young man, The way he did it was almost my plan to a T. I keep asking myself why them and not me? I can imagine what they were going through. In all cases nobody expected it to happen. I feel like that. I have talked to a few cowokers about
my depression but it hard talk about
it with all the suicides. It makes me feel as if I'm just tring to fit in. I like coming to healing well to get this off my chest. I want to talk about
it but I just feel like I'm imposing on people. Oh me and my problems blah blah blah. I know there's hope but I just feel so run down and like I said I just don't understand why my mind works the way it does. Thanks for the venting, till next time....
Mod-severe depression, anxiety, panic attacks.
Meds currently on, Wellbutrin, Zoloft, Klonopin, Zyprexa, Buspar