Thank you so much for your understanding, you will never know how much it means to me. Today is a much better day just because of all your kind words.
BabyTig- I will let the neighbor treat me to lunch and a movie. I also plan to let her know that through helping her, she helped me. I sit alone in the house all day, every day (husband and one son at work, the other son at school), I work from home with my office being in the spare bedroom, and I usually only leave once a week to get groceries....by helping her when she had a broken ankle I felt I had a purpose and I got out of the house. That is what I need to do more of, get out of the house.
Kitt - Thanks for the hug. I know you are going through things of your own right now but you took the time to post to me when I am in need. Like I said to you in your thread, I can definitely use a depressed friend. You know exactly what I mean probably before I even say it! My husband recently said to me "you will always be a winner in my book because you always do anything you possibly can for others, it comes to you without thinking about it, and that is a reason I love you." Well, that is going to be one of the first things I put on the list you told me to make.
Darren - I am going to work on the self-confidence and try to look at my own problems a little bit at a time. I know one major factor is that I am in so much physical pain from my back and neck. Feeling pain all the time really does eat away at the core of who you are. As I said before, I try hiding even from my own family because I don't want them to see my limping and crying because I am in pain. I am going to start by showing them more of that now, since it is part of who I am.
Karen - You're right...I need to put myself out there more and if I'm taken advantage of, oh well, at least I can know I have done something good for myself by trying. I am tired of living in hiding just because of what might happen.
I feel that all of you are true friends and completely understanding. I want you to know how much you have helped my spirits just by taking a few minutes to talk to me. Thanks.
cervical fusion 2006, with great result
L4-5 surgery with cages, plates, and screws in 2005, I have continued pain
MEDS: Fentanyl patch, Norco, Celexa, trazodone, and Parafon Forte
To handle yourself, use your head...to handle others, use your heart
I'm going to smile like nothing is wrong, act like everything is perfect, and pretend its not hurting me.