Depression for no real reason

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New Member

Date Joined Feb 2008
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 2/4/2008 6:43 AM (GMT -6)   
Have you ever felt so crap that nothing anyone says can ever make you feel any better? You’re walked all over like a doormat because you’re physically weak, and because you can’t express yourself like you would like to. You’re too nice to people, but only because you have to be. Sometimes when you can’t take anymore you snap and retaliate with something hurtful to someone close to you – because you don’t have the courage or the wits to do it to those who aren’t.

You don’t know what your place in the world is, what you would like it to be or whether you would even want one. It’s so crap, that you know, from experience, that the only way you’ll get back to reality is by taking drugs to alter the way you think – but you know its only a matter of time before your body adapts and takes you back to the beginning. Your only choices are to either increase the dose and delay the inevitable, and possibly causing your body grievous harm; or off them, and repeat the whole cycle over again. You can’t tell anybody, because you don’t want anybody to know.

You already know what it was like to try it, and you thought the first time knocked enough sense into you to ensure it would be the last. But you also knew that feeling was temporary before you would feel like crap again.

This is exactly how I feel, more and more frequently as the days wear on, on or off meds. I do not have anything overtly different about me that would exclude me from society that would make me feel this way. I am not mutated, disfigured or mentally unstable. I do not have a medical condition or terminal illness that would contribute to hardship in my life. I am young, and have been raised by a loving, understanding, and financially stable family. I have some very supportive friends, and I am in a very loving relationship. I perform well academically, if I am motivated. I could have secured a career in medicine. I know I take all this for granted, and that most people are in worse situations than I am.

However I still feel like dirt.

I know nobody is perfect – and I understand nobody has or should be. We all have expectations for ourselves that we probably will not be able to reach. I know this is not the source of my problem because I understand this. But I still feel overwhelmingly insufficient. I know this is depression, because the doctors, internet and media tell me so.

It’s been 6 years since I have started to feel this way, and no matter how I tackle it, it always comes back around. I did not understand it for the first 3. It was not until the changes in my behaviour reflected my social success disabling. The most selfish act anyone could commit, stopped only by even greater

After 6 years, you’d think I would’ve made enough changes in my life to shake off this hindrance. But changes don’t do jack squat. What do you do when you know that what you’re trying to run away from is only going to come back to you, over and over again, no matter what you do? depression for the next 50 years?

It’s a loss both ways.

But I need help. I know I am not the only one

I am sorry,but I had to edit your thread due to rule#1 of our site. We have alot of minors that come here so therefore we have to be careful. I hope you understand.

1. No discussion of any illegal activity or threats of violence. (ie. illicit drug use, including medical marijuana use, threats of suicide or self-injury, or threatened or intended physical harm). Discussions of suicide or self-harm that are deemed negative and therefore potentially injurious to others are also not permitted.

Post Edited By Moderator (ShynSassy) : 2/4/2008 5:32:28 AM (GMT-7)

Veteran Member

Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 2/4/2008 7:37 AM (GMT -6)   

First of all I want to welcome you to the forum,as you will see there are alot of people that will understand what you are going through.

7 years ago,I was in the worst rut of depression,and I thought I would never get out of it. I could have answered yes to each one of your questions.

I have a couple of questions to ask you, have you been to therapy? Are you still taking meds now?

I have been med free for 2 years now,I had a great support system,and have very bad days,but I am determined to beat of the biggest things that helped me was facing my depression. Meaning talking to someone that could help me.

Also,the very first thing my counselor told me was that in order to get better,I had to change my environment... I think that can apply in all different types of situations... different jobs,different friends, ect ect.

Keep talking,and we will all be here to listen.

Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42612
   Posted 2/4/2008 1:37 PM (GMT -6)   
You have really got a grip on all of the good things in your life, try to concentrate on that.  You have many good qualities and it sounds like you have a very good life.
I wonder if it is a chemical imbalance going on since it doesn't sound like your situation is that bad.  Have you tried medications?  Are you going to therapy?  Maybe something is effecting you that you haven't noticed yet.
Oh yes, J, I want to welcome you to the forum. You have come to a good place, I wish you well.  Keep posting, maybe we can help you.
Remember the saying "we always hurt the ones we love".  Try writing things down, this is a good way of expressing yourself and getting an objective look at our problems.
Good luck with this
fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, clinically depressed and allergies

Regular Member

Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 191
   Posted 2/4/2008 6:29 PM (GMT -6)   
hello j, and welcome!

from what i get, it sounds like you're a pretty nice person. though i know it must hurt being nice to people and acting nice and such, but really hurting behind the smile.

are you on any medications?

i agree with gettingby, sometimes it really helps to write things down. when i first starting going to counseling, my counselor wrote down a list of things for me to read to myself everyday. its not very long, but whats written on that piece of paper has a lot of meaning. i keep it at my bedside and read it aloud to myself every/every other night.

remember to work on expressing yourself and your feelings, because youre worthy of it.

take care
-Anxiety Attacks-
-Chronic Pain-
"Tell them to look up. Tell them to remember the stars."

Elite Member

Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 2/5/2008 10:57 AM (GMT -6)   
HI J and Welcome
NO matter what you think NOW you can and will come out of this
I know from my own personal Hades of many many yrs of this and like you I thought it would never end.......... it did
Recently I have found self back in the same or worse hole due to father's illness but I do know I will get out of it again

Baby steps my friend ..........take those baby steps yes it may take longer BUT you will get there and stay with us we can help you out with support and input

THIS is the greatest group of ppl I have come to know ..HW is the best for support for anything

Take care you....LYN

  DX With Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum, Anxiety/ Panic and Other Disorders
         Mod for Alzheimer's, Anxiety and Panic and Co Mod for Crohns Donate today to keep HW helping others

Veteran Member

Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 2/7/2008 7:26 AM (GMT -6)   

Was just checking to see how you are doing?

Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

New Member

Date Joined Feb 2008
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 2/9/2008 8:22 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi, sorry I have not posted in a while. I am doing okay, I am just not used to really talking about it - my approach so far has just been ignoring it and pretending like it never existed, i guess because on the days you are feeling better youd rather forget about it and just soak in the better times while they last. I am very thankful for everyones replies - they have been very supportive and encouraging, and a bit of an eye opener into knowing that other people are going through the same thing and could understand. It just seems these days that depression is a bit of a taboo topic, primarily because most people, who do not have it, dont seem to understand the extent that it can affect peoples lives, and how hard it is to overcome it and ward it off for good.

I have been on and off Zoloft over the past 3 years, which for the first few months does wonders, but later on seems to lose effect and eventually make other things worse (s-drive, attention span, etc..). Maybe my mistake has been keeping it secret from everyone - but I find it impossible to even explain to someone the situation without feeling like theyd understand, or even that them knowing would even help at all. I have had one or two short chats with healthcare professionals before, both of whom have been great, but on the whole I feel uncomfortable discussing or even accepting having a depressive condition.

Thanks again guys, every reply is highly appreciated

Veteran Member

Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 2/9/2008 8:36 AM (GMT -6)   
We all learn how to put on a fake smile,and walk around like nothing is wrong.

It is good that you are finally talking about it. You really need a support system. Rather it be a family member or a close friend.
Of course we will be here for you whenever you need us.

You need to stay consistent with the meds..going off and on them will not help at all.
If you feel that the med is not working then contact your doctor and see what else they can do.

Stay strong and Good Luck.

Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

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