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New Member

Date Joined Feb 2008
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 2/9/2008 8:52 PM (GMT -6)   
 I'm  a little sad today. I'm a young adult and I feel that I should be out dating like the rest of my peers. I just feel like I can't do it. You see, I was sexually assulted 3 years ago and I haven't been "right" ever since. I always wanted to date but I was too scared and felt as if nobody would like me. I've only had two boyfriends in my entire life. My first boyfriend only wanted my virginity and like a dummy I gav it to him. I felt bad about doing that and I hated myself for a while. about a year later, I met this guy who was in the service and he promised me everything. He wanted to marry me, and I felt like his offer was just the best thing that could have ever happened to me. Unfortunately, I kept hurting him because I just couldn't date somebody outside my religion, so I kept breaking up with him. I was home from college on X-mas break and I broke up with him and he was so very hurt. We got back together and I thought things were okay. I came back to school and he wanted to see me. So we went out to eat and I felt bad for what I had done to him so I asked him if I could stay with him that night. I had no intention of having sex with him; I wanted to do things the right way and wait until he and I got married. So, I 'm at his house and we are about to go to sleep and takes it upon himself to climb on top of me. I was just trying to laugh it off and I was thinking to myself, "he needs to get down off of me". Next he proceeds to touch me and I tensed up and I couldn't fight back. My throat got tight and I just felt like my life was over. I hated him for that. I've forgiven him slowly, but my life has been so out of wack ever since that incident. He was able to move on with his life and I'm left hurting and wishing that I could move on. I'm scared and I'm sad. I just want my life back.

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42612
   Posted 2/9/2008 10:43 PM (GMT -6)   

Hi MsFeliaLove,

First of all I would like to welcome you to the Healing Well forum.  I am glad you came here for advise.  There are a lot of understanding people here.

I want to say that with the bad experience that you had a few years ago is still interfering with moving on.  Maybe you should embrace it and work on that.  It sounds like you are not quite ready to date yet.  I think you should wait until you feel comfortable with the situation, instead of trying to do something that you aren't ready for yet.  Have you talked to a therapist about what happened?

Why did you feel like you needed to stay the night with the guy?  It sounds like he had the wrong impression about you.  You didn't owe him anything for not wanting to get serious in a relationship.  Start listening to your better judgement.  You are a special and wonderful person and you need to be selective about who you go out with.  If you want to wait to have sex, I think you should do just that.  Don't feel you have to do what your peers are doing.  Everybody has a right to make their own choices in life.  Be careful and don't rush into anything just because somebody else is doing it.  Take things slow, you will know what is right for you.

I hope that this helps you some.  You really have to be careful with things of this nature.

Good luck



fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, clinically depressed and allergies

Veteran Member

Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 2/10/2008 9:59 AM (GMT -6)   
I too wanted to welcome you to the forum, am very glad that you found us.

So sorry for what you have been through... it was not your fault at all.

I really think you should consider getting into some type of therapy in order to deal with what has happened to you.

Please keep talking and we will be here for you.

Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

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