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New Member

Date Joined Feb 2008
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 2/11/2008 12:51 PM (GMT -6)   
So I'm really not sure how this will go, but I suppose giving a bit of history would be a good way to start. I've struggled with depression off and on beginning in high school. After my freshman year of college, a very close friend and neighbor who was more like an older brother died unexpectedly and i was pulled from school, made to live back at home, and it was a downward spiral from there. I pushed away most of the friends that i met, and only kept in contact with a select few that i had been closest to all along. The year that followed saw me extremely depressed, unmotivated, and i would sit for hours and cry even about nothing at all. My father had a cocaine addiction that i witnessed firsthand growing up and my family thought that it had been kicked. We all believed my father to be a truly genuine individual until we noticed that ALL of our money was gone and my father refused to say where it was spent. (he achieved this by forging my mothers signature on many many bad checks) My father was the one in my family that i was the closest to and i haven't spoken to him now for almost 3 years. I am now in college, and have had many trust issues with guys which i think can be traced back to my father. I am terrified of being left by the men i date, and following a bad breakup with a wonderful guy that i dated for over a year, I am seeing myself fall back into the patterns that i suffered before with anxiety, panic attacks, and constantly dwelling on the situation to the point that other aspects of my life (such as schoolwork) are falling behind. It seems that no matter how hard i try and who i surround myself with, I simply can't pull myself out of this mindset, and my friends are understanding, but they all seem to think that it is easy to forget and get on with things. I joined HealingWell because i thought that hearing kind words and inspiration from people who may feel the same way might give me a bit more perspective and hope...

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 870
   Posted 2/11/2008 1:24 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Katie~
WOW, how hard you have had it.  There are many members here that can relate with you in some way.  The things we experience in our lives are not always what we want and well to be quite frank, it very rarely goes our way, the most important thing is to take care of yourself.  I will tell you from a personal aspect that this will be one of the hardest things you will do for yourself.  I am trying to get healthy by myself with some pretty bad events going on in my life.
There are more days than none that I really question the ability to function like everyone else.  At first I thought I was having anxiety attacks but my counselor ensures me that I am grieving {severely} and that I am at a crossroads in which only I can change the things that happen to me.
I rambled a little but I hope that some of it helped you.  Depression is the hardest thing I have ever had to fight in my life, it is the winner of many souls of people that I love.
You will be in my prayers and welcome to you
Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results 

Getting there
Regular Member

Date Joined Jan 2008
Total Posts : 105
   Posted 2/11/2008 1:45 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Katie

Welcome to HW. You have been through a lot and it is good to express how you feel. I understand what depression is and mine started since childhood. I have read that most very succesful people have been victims of depression. Some regard it as we are a good sense people. As Teresa said you have to take care of you. I agree you take care of number one first.

Sometimes we need meds to give us a jolt to getting better. Have you ever been on antidepressants before? It would be a start to see/talk to your PCP about this. As for dating maybe you should put it on hold till you sort out your emotions so you eliminate one area that is now stressful for you. A lot think its easy to snap out of it but you and I know differently. I think your friends mean well though but its hard to understand something you have never felt.

I wish you well and here you will find a lot of caring people so come along and talk whenever you feel overwhelmed.


We are more than what we do, much more than what we accomplish, far more than what we possess.

                                       :heart: cool :heart:
Chronic depression, Panic disorder, GERD, Sciatica

Celexa 60mg qam, amitriptyline 30 mg qhs,  Xanax (alprazolam) 1mg tid, Serax 30 mg qhs Pariet 20mg bid

Percocet prn

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42524
   Posted 2/11/2008 4:06 PM (GMT -6)   

These guys are right Katie, I would only add that I know you are worried about your father's addiction problem.  And I can tell that you would like to help him being that you are so close.  But you have to help yourself first.  And that takes possibly meds and therapy.  You have been through a lot and I think it would be easier to deal with with a little help.

You are in my thoughts and prayers,

luv and hugs,


fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, clinically depressed and allergies

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