Wow this is where it gets hard for alot of people to understand the love and life that not many people ever experience. I agree with you that Valentine's day is a day that has lost that reason it is celebrated. As I said before, loving Valentines day was never about having someone in my life because most of them I was alone, it was just a day when I ensured people that love me were shown how loved they were. I understand how commercial it is to some people but I guess I just looked at it as a day to stop the haste of a day to say I love you. I still give Valentines to my children, it is a special day for me.
So I guess it is not the day that gets me down, it is the wonderful memories that I had hoped I would be sharing with my husband so many years later as we would have celebrated it, sitting old and gray on a porch swing remembering every emotion that we felt that night.
The thing is........it was always like Valentine's day with him. That is why I am devasted on this day and every other day. For the first time in my life I really feel I will never again see his face or kiss his lips. Or see that funny face he makes when I wont stop looking at him.
These last couple of days have been a nightmare and I long to see him just one more time. I keep thinking to myself that he is over me, really over me and that I am just a memory in a book that has been closed and will be forgotten. I wonder if he ever thinks of me or comes by the house. I dont think so, I still wait for him to knock on the door.
He and I were one of a kind, the kind that people would look at us and think we were celebrating something because of the way we were together. GOD......I would give anything to have him in my life again and this time, I am healthy and I understand my past actions
I am so depressed and I sit here and look out the window. All I do is cry. I know it is grieving but it hurts so bad.
I wish that I could wish him a happy valentines day but I know that he has another valentine now and it kills me to know that.
I would wish everyone a happy valentines day but I cant seem to find the strength to say it.
I also saw a preview for a movie. I have always said that signs are everywhere, good and bad. Anyway, this movie has a couple songs that will forever touch me in a way only he can know and still has alot of meaning to me and to him. Hopefully he will have noticed this as well. The movie is "step up 2" I just thought it was really ironic that it comes out on a day when I really need my faith. Could be silly to some but not to me.
Another lonely night, I pray every night for a miracle.
Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results
" Absence sharpens love, presence strengthens it."
If I could have one wish, it would just be this, I could take you to my soul and show you all the love there is."