There is a saying that comes to my mind right now, and I don't know if I will even say this right. If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it is yours. If it doesn't, then it wasn't meant to be. This is a really tough situation, as you know. I think like Faithfully said, that you need to really study this, get counseling, get the cards out on the table so you can figure out what is going on in her head. Another saying comes to mind, you hurt the ones that you love. She could be so angry with this illness that she is taking it out on you without even meaning to. Her parents divorce probably made her really angry and betrayed. In her mind they should have stayed together for ever. She is hurt and taking it out on you, the one she loves.
All I can say is get the both of you into counseling. See if there is something that can help her, she could turn back into the person that she once was.
I commend you for your patience. It must be very difficult for you right now.
I know hanging in there is tough... I have had to do so much of it myself recently. Its good that you have seen a councillor and that the 'brutal truth' as you call it has come out. Once you level the playing field, it gives you a better base on which to build.
Let me tell you that I was EXACTLY where you are a few short months ago. Your posts would have been exactly what I would have written back in August of 07. I honestly never paid much attention to my wife's depression, even after she told me of the diagnosis- guess I was in denial even though the signs were everywhere.
I'd STRONGLY advise you to get a copy of the book- Depression Fallout. You are about to be on the longest emotional rollercoaster you could ever imagine and the greatest piece of advice that I could give you is to GET EDUCATED! Your wifes actions sound very similar to my wife's, and I can tell you that they are definitely relatio
For example- shortly after my wife's episode hit she picked up a second job waiting tables at night. She would literally come into the house at 10:30pm, stay 5 minutes then get up at leave for 3 hrs and would have the most b.s. excuses for where she was. I obviously would flip out and accuse her of all sorts of things. I found out she was texting a guy she worked with all of the time and that made it ten times worse. I filed for divorce and things just continued to get worse until her brother picked up the phone and called me to talk about his sisters condition.
Once that happened I would spend my entire work day reading about Depression. Came to find out that EVERYTHING she did was consistent with Depressive behaivor. It helped me to seperate the Depression from her personality, which didn't make OUR situation better, but helped to keep me in the right frame on mind. Not that it was easy at all. One night in October, I woke up at 5am crying like a baby, she hugged me and asked what was wrong and I just said "I want my wife back", and she could only give me a blank stare. No compassion- nothing. The next day she sends me an email that she hates to see me hurting and that she hasn't gone anywhere. I think that hurt the mosts- that seeing my, someone she claims to love so hurt- and not doing a darn thing to make it better. But you know what I found out- SHE can't!! Then what happens, is the guilt of her not being able to turn it all around just makes the Depression worse.
It's just continued to snowball since then. She started to pull herself out in November, and was slowly returning to the affectionate, intelligent woman that I fell so hard for. Then the holiday season hit and it was over. She stopped taking her AD's cold turkey, became extremely bitter, mean, and verbally abusive. I now get blamed for my wife's childhood, her financial issues (I probably pay 70% of our joint household bills but she says I don't contriibute a dime), and she wants a divorce even though she can't name one reason why we should be divorced other than "we just don't work".
Again, it's TOUGH, but before I started to read and talk to people about it, I took it all very personally. There's another site called depressionfallout.com. Go to the forum and read the stories. It's amazing at how similar they all are. This is going to help you take care of the most important person- YOURSELF. You'll try to support your wife and keep things together, but you can't do that if your falling apart yourself. You mentioned that you have 2 young one's as well. When mommy is doing well- Daddy HAS to be the one to step it up. I'll be praying that your situation ends well.
I notice that you seem to be a Christian man. I can tell you that this ordeal has led me to the foot of the Lord. If you truly believe, that you know that he will not give you more than you can handle and that this is simply a part of his plan for you. Bask in his glory and he will be your shield through this trying time.
I have been in a situation like yours too, it's very painful and the kids are watching everything. My advice to you is keep records of everything, write down all of the activities your gal is doing, you will need this if you want to keep your kids, most judges favor the mother if your situation goes sour and you will have to fight for your kids. You have to be strong. I know you truly love your children. And if you even have the slightest idea that there is some cheating going on protect yourself from any STD. I know this seems harsh, but better to prepare yourself for anything at this point.
"The grass looks greener on the other side, but it still has to be mowed"