I am so glad that you posted. I wish that you would quit blaming yourself for how your ex is. By the sound of it he is an abusive person, and that is hard to change, some never do. Once you get your self esteem back you will see that none of this is your fault. It takes time sweetie to realize your self worth. And it sounds like you are really trying. Don't feel guilty about the abortion, you weren't ready for a baby. One day you will and I am sure you will be a good mother. And that is if you decide to. If you don't, don't feel guilty about that either. Just keep trying to do what you feel is right, you will one day, probably when you least expect it, find the right man for you. One who loves and respects you for who you are. So keep up the good work and focus on school now. You will be okay. We have all made mistakes in our lives, but we have to get past them learn from them and keep living. You will be fine, I just know that. Trust me.
Luv and hugs,