You know when all that you hoped and dreamed for in the midst of this ugly world becomes something that you will never have? My faith is hanging on by thread lately. I have believed that things that have happened in my life were for a reason and that reason was to show me that I need to be a stronger person and be certain that I have learned from all the terrible things that I have done to the ones I love.
I guess what I am trying to say is this, when does your faith and positive thinking become only a pathetic type of reasoning for the way things are now and that with faith and strength along with struggle the the things you pray for and work hard to obtain never materialize. When does your faith become "wishful thinking"?
I know down deep in my soul that the man I love does not love me anymore. We have always had this sixth sense when we could read the other's mind. Lately as I said before, I leave the light on and watch out the window and I wondered every day why he could love me like he does and not think of me and want to see me. Yea, yea it's for the better he said but I cant stop my heart from telling me to hold on to him, give it a chance and I would go to the ends of the earth to prove to him that we are meant to be and that I am done being a complete fool. Something tells me that I no longer occupy a place in his daily thoughts as I do for him. He just walked away. My body still craves him, my heart still aches, how do I go on. He was such a big part of me getting well, my best friend, now what?
I try to convince myself that I am wrong and that my faith and prayers will come full circle but deep in my heart I know that his love is gone and given t0 someone else.
I am sorry to ramble to I am so very sad and starting to think that I need to move on with my life because that is what he wants
I wake up every morning and convince myself that today is the day my world is complete.
I dont know the last time I was this depressed and hopeless, its bad, really bad.