Hi everyone, I wrote a reply and for some reason it did not post, things like this really make me mad. There were several things I said that were extremely heartfelt but I guess they are cyberspace somewhere. Anyway the short of it was that I am doing better but what most people dont understand is that he IS my soulmate and even though there have been people in my life and in his, he has always been the one true hero that gave me the strength to be happy and content for the first and only time in my relationships.
I love him so and for reasons that I dont understand, I still get butterflies with the mere thought of his touch. Never did I have this before him and I know for certain I will go on without contiment and peace I found in this man.
I guess for the first time in "our" lives I really believe he is gone and I will forever have a hole in my heart until I experience his touch again. I know it sounds cornie to most people but I will tell you that we had a love that is a rarity in this life!!!!!!!!! I do love myself, I really do, it's just the stupid, STUPID acts that I hate about myself. That is why it is so important for me to get my s--t together so if and when he ever trusts me again, when we are old and gray, he will look at me with those big blue eyes and say how happy our lives are and that he was glad we gave it just one more try and that I was true to myself and all those that I love. No matter how much crap life throws at you, you have to decide if you want to sweep it under the rug or be a bigger person and deal with it and be held responsible for your actions. I am comitted to this because I deserve the best things in life and trusting myself and the people in my life, will be like winning the lottery.
I am depressed, very much so but I guess going through the pain that I am on so many levels will be exactly what I have to go through to keep my life from being like has been.
I will give it my very best and I will be successful.
Post Edited (faithfully4you) : 2/23/2008 3:56:12 PM (GMT-7)