what's wrong with me?

Hi Confused,

Don't let this sttop you from trusting.  Just be careful who you tell things to.  Atleast here, you know that it is safe to talk openly.  I don't know why she would do that to you.  And honestly you don't either untill you have a chance to talk to her.  There can be so much going on that we don't know.  Someone could have said something to cause her to block you and it could have even been an accident.  So don't let this bring you down.  You are doing good right now and don't need to go backwards. 

You know that we are here for you and carry very much about your well being.  So keep your chin up and let this one roll off your back.  You will eventually find out what is going on. 

Don't blame yourself for others actions, you tend to do that.  You are a wonderful person and everybody here loves you and truly cares about you.  So like I say let this one run off your back and pretend it didn't happen.  I know that you are worried that she told somebody, maybe she did, but so what.  That doesn't change to type of person that you are.  You are very special so don't forget that.  Plus these other people were not in your shoes so they would have no right to judge you if that is the case.  And if they did, the are at risk of losing a very special friend, you.  And that is their loss.

I hope that you are doing well, I know how hard that you have been trying.  Focus on that, don't let this little thing bring you down.  You have worked too hard to get where you are.  Keep trying.  We are here for you.

Luv and hugs,

Karen

Confused,

It is completely normal to feel sad when somebody quits talking to you, and you wonder if it is your fault.  And there is nothing wrong with coming here and opening up.  We don't really know eachother so it is easy to give objective advice.  Easier then to say in person or to a friend that you do know.  My friends come to me for advice and sometimes it is hard because I don't want to hurt their feelings.  But here, I am not talking in person so it is easier to truthfully say what I feel.  And that is good because sometimes people need that honest advice.  Your mom has a tendancy to want to keep things private.  Or to keep things inside, in the long run this could build up and eventually explode.  Either that or she just doesn't care.  Not that she doesn't care about you, I feel she does, but keeping things bottled up all the time isn't healthy.  So when your friends do hurt you, let it out and cry, but then keep going on.  Maybe your one friend just can't handle what you are going through and you shouldn't tell her so much, or maybe she just isn't mature enough to take in all that information.  But a friend will usually listen.  She just might think you are dwelling on things too much, but that is just your nature, you are trying to figure things out.  It is harder when you are in the situation.  You can't step out of it and look at it with an objective eye.  But in time you will learn what you can change and what you cant and the unimportant things you will learn to let go.  Have you heard the serinity prayer?  The one that says " God grant me the power to accept the things that I cannot change, to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference"  Somebody evidently has written that because they were in that situation.  So this is something a lot of people go through.  So don't feel alone.  In time you will achieve your goal of being able to know the difference.  As far as your mom goes.  Maybe she isn't that sensitive.  She sounds cold and hard.  Though I feel she actually loves you, she doesn't sound very compassionate.  Just look at the advice that you gave on the other post.  Have you read the posts after you wrote.  You are sensitive like a lot of us are.  It is hard because you take things to heart and you get hurt sometimes.  But that is what makes you such a good person.  I wouldn't want to be any other way.  Eventually you will see the gift you have in that.  And with the profession that you are persueing, you need that quality.  So don't change, stay sensitive.  People need compassionate people and that is what you are.  You feel things, that is good.

hugs,Karen 

Hi Confused,

Yes I do agree with your counselor and I am happy that you are seeing this, though I know that it isn't easy.  He is also right about your friends that don't talk to you, they are shallow and it is their loss, because you are a very special person.  But your counselor definately has a grip on your parents.  I know that you want to shine in their eyes, but we are only human and make mistakes.  They have very high expectations of you but this is rediculous.  To have you disappear while the people are there.  But that might be a nice break for you to get out from under their thumbs for a few days.  I also agree that it is disrespectful of them.  It may take time to get out from under them because of the financial situation, so play it by ear and keep talking to your counselor, he might be able to help you with that.  I think it would be a lot less stressful for you to study without them dictating your every move.  It seems like you said you will be going to college somewhere else for a while, am I right?  That would be such a good time to work on your own identity while away from your parents.  Eventually you will grow into a person that they can't control.  They are so use to having things their way that they might have a hard time with you becomming your own person, but just be strong Confused, you can do this, it is all a part of learning and growing into your own person.  I think you will really like her.  Your depression might even go away.  I really am happy for you sweetie, you are really working hard and doing good.  You did a good job on that other post, and talking honestly from experience and giving really good advice to somebody in need.

Keep up the good work

Luv and hugs,  Karen

I think that calling your counselor is a good idea.  He will probably have some good suggestions for you.  The two of you could do some brainstorming and you will find a solution.  Your parents can't control you forever.  It is only a matter of time.  They have conditioned you but you and your counselor can turn that around.  They aren't going to drop the insurance on you if that is what they have.  Can you come up with money for a visit to the therapist?  Also there are a lot of programs that pay for mental health visits if you don't have the money.  Start checking into some resources.  I know that it is scarey, but you can handle this, you are learning as you go.

Hugs, Karen

The feeling of someone not liking you (as you have described) is probably the result of your depression. It is simply a flaw in the way your brain thinks about these situations. There could be a lot of reasons why they dont respond in that hour... They could be napping, they could be in a meeting, they could be in the bath, they could be in the garden and not hear the phone, they might not have credit to respond... the list is endless. Its just a case of training your brain to accept these as possible causes over "They obviously dont like me" and this is the sort of thing that CBT is very good at.

Darren

Cbt therapy is cognative behavioral therapy.  Basically it is retraining your way of thinking.  I am reading a book right now called,'feeling good, the new mood therapy' by Dr David D. Burns.  It is very interesting, there is also a workbook about it that he wrote.  I read this book over 20 years ago, and I must admit that the first edition was easier reading, but it all boils down to how we think.  As Darren said, there could be many reasons that she didn't return your call within the hour.  And it probably wasn't that she didn't want to, she could have been busy.  Maybe she didn't get your message yet.  You have to take all that into consideration and quit blaming yourself.  Things happen as time lets them, not always as we wish.  The CBT therapy is very good, it teaches you that we tend to get a one track mind with all or nothing thinking, kind of in black and white.  But there are so many gray areas in between.  For instance, you say you feel worthless.  But if you were to sit down and write a list of all the good things about yourself, you woulf realize there is no way possible that you could be worthless.  This tends to change our way of thinking.  We learn patience, not to judge people or assume things, not everybody likes us as we don't always like everybody we meet.  No matter how bad we feel, there is somebody else worse off than us and there will always be people better than us.  We all walk the journey of life, and we all have our own pace.  So start trying to look for positives, give people the benefit of the doubt.  Look on internet for a book on it or discuss it with you counselor.  I think that it would help you very much to learn about it.  It is really uplifting.

Hugs, Karen

Hi Confused,

I am so happy that you have the book, please read it again.  I think that it will really help you.  It just takes time to change the thinking patterns.  So try to be patient with yourself.  Just keep reading.  You will get there, I have faith in you.

hugs,

Karen