First off, I think I have to apologize to the mods because I think my original post may have been against rules since it discussed drug use, although it was past use, so I am not sure.....
Addiction is a very strong disease, please don't be surprised if he chooses the drug over you and your son. See, that is what made me so, so cold....was being hurt so many times that he chose the drug over me and our children. As a mother, we would die for our children, how can some nose candy change the "protector" man into a someone who didn't care about
us. How could he possibly care about
us, and why should I care about
him. He was killing himself and I COULDN'T care....I hardened myself because I wasn't going to allow it to affect my children. We went camping, I took them to the park, we went just about
anywhere so I could get them away from there when they weren't in school.
I have a feeling his threat of leaving (and hopefully taking his brother with him) is an empty one. He doesn't see that he is in the wrong, HE thinks YOU are the one being a bit@* and is going to try to turn it around on you, trying to making you believe it is YOUR fault. I thought sooooo many times that I had gotten thru to him when I would be crying, sobbing uncontrollably, while we discussed things....but the drug was winning. He went thru that inpatient rehab I posted about
before, came home, and 3 months later started using again. I finally got to the point where I'd had enough, if he didn't care, then neither did I. I quit one job (I had 3) and could no longer pay the bills. I finally
opened up to my parents who lived on the east coast (I was on the west)....I let the house go into foreclosure and sent all that money to my parents to put into an account here so all I had was a debit card....I told him the house was gone, it was all gone, I was done and so were the kids, and that we were moving to the east coast. If he wanted to come he had to be clean, if not then he was on his own with his drug....he could go see how well his drug supported him with a roof and food because I wasn't doing it anymore.
Moving was the best thing....I have the support of my family now whereas before I was alone. He hasn't gone back to using, in part because were in a brand new place and people weren't dropping by daily to feed his need. He was finally able to get a job because he could pass a drug test for once in his adult life....and now I only work ONE job!
I'm am not at all saying it is easy. Like I said before, we are still working on fixing what he did to us, to me. When he drinks a beer after work some days I still feel that familiar wrench in my gut and want to revert back to hiding like before.
I am here for you, and I have been there....kinda still am there because it isn't fixed....I do know what you are feeling and going through and I support you completely.
cervical fusion 2006
L4-5 surgery with cages, plates, and screws in 2005
MEDS: Fentanyl patch, Norco, Celexa, trazodone, and baclofen
To handle yourself, use your head...to handle others, use your heart
I'm going to smile like nothing is wrong, act like everything is perfect, and pretend its not hurting me.