Thanks nevagiveup... Me and my mom have been talking, and it never seems to help. I usually feel worse off because i always feel as if i'm a burden to my mom, being like this. I don't think she has anything that's been on her mind lately. She's just always been like this. There are days when everything is fine, we laugh a little, and such, but some days, i swear she just makes everything hell. Maybe that's just how moms are i guess. I know that parents need to discipline their children and such, but that day, and also lately, I just can seem to tolerate as much "abuse". not physical, it just seems like a tiny little thing will shove me off the edge of a cliff, anf then there i will fall for a few days until i hit bottom, and then i try to claw my way back up then everything starts over i guess.
I don't know why, but i'm extrememly hesitant about going to a counselor. I feel odd, and i guess i'm afraid that they will bring up even more things from my past that i just don't want to think about anymore. Maybe that's exactly why i'm like this... because i don't want to talk about things.. but i DO want to talk about things, just now the things that i know counselors will bring up. Like i've said before, I don't know what to do anymore except take it one day at a time... and even one day at a time is overwhelming.
It's funny. Lately, I've just been wanting someone to talk to in person, you know, to cry with, to just be there, but i look around my school, and i see a few, but when i start to get to know them, i realize they aren't going through what i'm going through. I just wish that there was someone there for me... I know i have you guys, and i really do appreciate your kind words... they really help, but just reading things online just doesn't seem to be enough. Honestly, (sorry this is so redundant, but) I don't know what to do.
~"When one door of happiness closes, another
opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been
opened for us." ~Helen Keller