It feels funny calling you outsider, because to us you are not an outsider. Maybe I will call you Side.
I have obsessive thinking patterns. I don't actually have actual ocd. Not like your'e suffering with. But I do take a medication for ocd and it is called abilify. I also take risperdol as needed. The risperdol can cause weight gain at a high dose so that is why I don't take it unless I need it really bad. But you could ask your doctor if abilify will help you. I am not sure if it will but it is a thought.
I have learned different ways to change thinking patterns and am willing to share if you are interested. Though you may need a different approach. I do think that you need therapy if this is causing that much difficulty for you. But that is my opinion.
I wish that I could be more help to you. Have you looked for any literature on this? I think it would be good to try to find some self help books.
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies