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Feeling worse than ever

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Posted 3/21/2008 2:42 PM (GMT -7)

Hi Pressing,

Does that feel good to get off of your chest, or what?  That was a huge load.  I am so happy that you feel confident enough to share on the forum.  It truly lightens things up, doesn't it?  I hope so anyway. 

How have you been sleeping?  Are you feeling rested when you get up in the morning?  I know that you have been remembering your dreams so you are getting rem sleep. 

As for having a baby, there are other ways to conceive, ie artificial insemination and you can always adopt.  You can have a baby up until menopause actually especially if you are healthy, as I am sure that you are.  So think of the options that you have.  You never know in this world, what is going to happen next. 

I can imagine how frustrating that this process is, but there is no forcing it.  You can't rush it and you can't avoid it when it is going to come to you.  You still kind of have to go with it.  You will never learn more than you can handle at one time, try to have faith with that thought.   So try to continue doing what you are doing with college and counseling and let the rest just happen.  Try not to worry about it too much.  I promise, there will be nothing that you can't handle.

Luv and hugs, Karen

Posted 3/21/2008 3:05 PM (GMT -7)
Yes it somewhat feels good but is kind of disturbing too. I never really sat and thought about all these things that have been bothering me.
They can become overwhelming. Sometimes I think, whats the purpose. Like I want to change, but here I am now in the middle of my life dealing with this, If I had only started earlier. So many childhood years wasted from this crap, then I get out of it and waste so many more years keeping it all wrapped up tight in my head. I allowed it to affect alot and did nothing about it untill now.

Maybe my depression is really kicking in now. Maybe its the thought of having to deal with painful stuff, I have no idea. Perhaps its time I really give it thought, give my feelings thought for once in my life. Everything was about my parents, my siblings and I just existed. We didn't really matter. Now I have to try to change years of warped thinking and try to realize my feelings do matter.

My sleep has been ok, I mean I wake up during REM sleep everynight now, which may be why I don't feel so rested and have headaches. Maybe thats why I am bumming some today or maybe its just the thought of starting to deal with this thats getting to me, what do I know?

Thanks again for listening Karen, Its one of those days that I just feel the need to vent.

Pressing
Posted 3/21/2008 3:46 PM (GMT -7)
Hi Pressing,

I am glad that you feel that you can open up and vent here. That is what is so cool about the forum. I can assure you that going through this process wont always be so disturbing. And it wont always interfere with your everyday life. You will learn to be able to shut it off when you want without stifling (sp) it. Kind of like a faucet. And rest assured that it wont always be this hard, I think in the beginning that we have so many questions and that is what makes it seem so overwhelming.

You will be feeling better soon. Try to keep the mind busy, but take a few minutes to relax now and then. Also writing things down, helps to relieve the mind.

I am going to email you.

Hugs Karen
Posted 3/21/2008 9:19 PM (GMT -7)
Yes, I suppose thats it, so many unanswered questions, with such an array of strange emotions. I just need to learn to feel them and let them come as they may, but also have to keep them somewhat in check so they don't totally interfer with my schooling, which has gone down a little since I began counseling.

Pressing
Posted 3/22/2008 10:00 AM (GMT -7)
Your grades will come back up as you relax with this, just assign yourself some time to deal with it and don't let it interfere with school. You can do this with practice.

As always you are in my thoughts and prayers.

hugs, Karen
Posted 3/22/2008 4:54 PM (GMT -7)
Thanks Karen,
I sure hope so. I am leaning on close bounds right now in one of my classes, thats extremely frustrating for me since I have a 4.0. The reality is after this semester that GPA is in the tube. My depression certainly did me no good in the school area either.

Pressing
Posted 3/22/2008 6:53 PM (GMT -7)
Hi Pressing,

I like what you have added to your signature. Especially about courage. That is cool.

I am sure that you will get your grades back up. I know that this is so hard, and I wish there was something I could do to help. You have so much on your plate right now. I really hope that you have a lovely Easter and get to enjoy watching little ones hunt for eggs and such.

Keep your chin up, this will work out for the best.

Luv and hugs, Karen
Posted 3/22/2008 8:04 PM (GMT -7)
Enjoy your little ones too:)

Hoping the grades do improve.
Thank God I am on spring break this week , its so nice, but I do have 2 papers due soon, one which is a 5 page paper, so I will be working on those all week. I can't complain though, at least I have more time to work on them:)

Love and hugs right back to you!
Pressing
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