Does that feel good to get off of your chest, or what? That was a huge load. I am so happy that you feel confident enough to share on the forum. It truly lightens things up, doesn't it? I hope so anyway.
How have you been sleeping? Are you feeling rested when you get up in the morning? I know that you have been remembering your dreams so you are getting rem sleep.
As for having a baby, there are other ways to conceive, ie artificial insemination and you can always adopt. You can have a baby up until menopause actually especially if you are healthy, as I am sure that you are. So think of the options that you have. You never know in this world, what is going to happen next.
I can imagine how frustrating that this process is, but there is no forcing it. You can't rush it and you can't avoid it when it is going to come to you. You still kind of have to go with it. You will never learn more than you can handle at one time, try to have faith with that thought. So try to continue doing what you are doing with college and counseling and let the rest just happen. Try not to worry about it too much. I promise, there will be nothing that you can't handle.
Luv and hugs, Karen