Welcome to HW. This forum is so supportive and I hope that you stick around
You have definitely been through a lot, so first, give yourself a break. I can relate to how depression (I'm bipolar) affects a relationship. My bf and I have lived together for 2 years, and it gets really tough--especially when I'm depressed. about a year ago, I was referred to a support group (by my pdoc) for my bipolar symptoms. I've been dealing with depression since I was a teen, I'm 26 now. The support group taught me how to cope. Before that point in my life, I really wasn't doing anything to help myself heal. The reason I am telling you this is to point out how helpful therapy can be, but it's vital to find something effective. You should be proud of yourself for moving out of a toxic home, and for seeking counselling in the past. We all have our reasons for stopping counselling; sometimes it just doesn't work. But I believe with time and the right counsellor, you can begin to heal.
So--I completely agree w/gettingby and Darren. Take the step to seek counselling, and it's okay to ask your new counsellor what they deal with. I've recently requested that my counsellor have a strong knowledge of bipolar so they can help me with all of my issues, b/c like you I am also insecure, but my counsellor needs to understand how my bp symptoms affect my isecurity and almost everything else in my life. I don't know if you have a psychiatrist?? If you do, you might want to ask him/her if there are any other options for therapy. I think you definitely need someone with the right background. Someone who deals with abuse issues, understands depression and PTSD.
I really hope you and your bf find a balance in how to live together through all of this. The depression definitely feeds the insecurity; the depression makes all those thoughts appear and seem so intense. Keep us posted and I send you many warm hugs.
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
Clonazepam .5mg as needed, Trazodone 50mg/day & Lamictal 100 mg/day