I hate turning in to a woe is me, but I have. I've had alot going on in my life in the past year. I was very hopeful that 2008 would be a new year and a new beginning and I figured I had had my fare share of "bad" luck. Well 2008 is not getting any better, and I'm having a tough time.
4/11/07 my 43 year old husband suffers a heart attack. Thankfully he has made a full recovery and is doing ok.
5/4/07 my 51 year old uncle, whom I was very close to, dies unexpectedly of a heart attack.
Summer 07 - work my regular "day job" and help in the evening and weekends at my father's dairy farm as he and my uncle had run it together.
10/13/07 my 17 year old son is involved in a relatively bad car accident. Fortunately he had no head trauma,no internal injuries, and no spinal injuries. However, he suffered a compound fracture of his tibia and fibula, dislocated his ankle and now has seven screws and a plate in his leg. Senior in HS - BIG sports guy. Missed his last two football games (attended in a wheel chair). Then he had to miss the entire hockey season, the team still tried to include him, however, after it became a reality that he would not be returning to the ice this season, he stopped wanting to be a part. His doctor has however now released him to play lacrosse - tough, but he's trying.
12/11/07 all hell breaks loose at work - bad karma! Small office, 7 people. 2 vs 5. The 2 managed to have the boss forced in to resignation. Now our subcontractor is on a rampage of attempting to dictate how we the lead agency operates. What a mess!!!
12/11/07 because of the crap at work, I lost it and could not stop crying - I had been having a tough time with the other "stuff" in my life - husband, uncle, son....then this division and war type atmosphere. Now without a "boss" until a new one is found, the place is basically unbearable.
On 12/11/07 as I broke down and cried and cried - I called my doctor and got right in. She put me on Zoloft and referred me to a counselor. The medicine has helped as I don't cry at the drop of a hat any more. I tried counselling for about 2 months, but the counselor and I just did not completely click. I felt she was questioning some of my beliefs, and I was not comfortable with that. Anyways - work then got more out of control and my excuse was it was too hard to get time off work.
I'm getting scared, I'm not turning the corner. I have lost interest - in everything. I can't sleep at night, yet when I finally fall asleep, I can't get up in the morning and I just want to stay in bed and not do anything. For example this Sunday I made myself get up at 10 am, did a load of laundry, made lunch took a shower, and fell back to sleep for most of the afternoon. What is up with me?????
What a crappy feeling, I don't like this!! I feel so worthless, unimportant. Not suicidal because I would not do that to my kids. But I'm crapping out on them, my 18 year old tries to be so independent yet my 8 year old is missing out because mom is
not mom .
Sorry for rambeling....where do I to next?