What in the world have I gotten myself into?

Am I being unreasonable?
Forgive and be more understanding - 0.0%
Move out giving notice to her with explanation - 0.0%
Move out without giving notice - 25.0%
Stand up to her and stop being so easy going - 0.0%
Move out and make the best of a situation that is really out of my hands. - 75.0%

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New Member

Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 3/28/2008 6:58 PM (GMT -6)   
I recently moved from Ohio to Houston. My sister who is 3 years younger than i am invited me to live with her in her home. Due to health reasons, i am on disability.   My sister invited me with open arms and  included in her welcome that her home was to be treated just like my own. home. ............  Well  i moved into this bedroom assigned to me which had  a box full of books in it.  I started to read some of the books in the box which upset my sister;  I have been here for 2 months and she knew that i had begun to read those books prior to the other night when she confronted me about it.  She said those books were her personal belongings (they were Christian books)  and that I should have asked her to use them first.  I told her i did not realize that she thought of those books that way, that I only wanted to read them, that I was not going to take them away but she said still i should have asked and said that is just the way she is.  Was she right or what?
My sister is 3 years younger than I and neither one of us is a spring chicken. Looks like from maturity we should get along better with each other.  She is so bossy and talks down to people.  She claims to be a Christian but she is very impatient, and hard core and rude talking to people, but she is very free hearted at least at first she was.  One day i was driving us to the store, she spotted an empty place to park, she said for me to park there but I did not see the space,  she hollered at me then,  and then on top of that she said I was slow.
I pay my part of the bills,  I clean up the house which she is a very junky and unneat person to the hilt. I cook.  She doesn't like it  to open the venetian blinds up for light to filter into the house, I like light, but I don't open the blinds anymore because it is her house.
I have nightmares in this house every single night I have lived here and now I feel so physically weak (I already have a weak heart is the reason i am on disability)  and depressed.  I don't feel like answering the telephone, or doing any kind of work anymore. I moved into her house and i tried to clean up this junky house and i did good too.  I just don't care to do anything for her right now.   I need to move but I am even scared that she might get mad and put me out if i told her that i am moving.  ANd I don't want to be deceitful and not tell her. She might not put me out but I am afraid of her not in the sense she might hurt me but in the sense she might retaliate by not speaking to me or we not visiting each other or she might not let me get my furniture out of her home. 
We all have separate rooms of course, but she has a lock on her door, it was there before I moved here;  she comes home and goes into her bedroom which is across from my room and closes her door.  Is that normal?  I only close my door when its time to go to bed. 
I am to the point of not caring what she thinks about me and I don't want to do anything to prove anything to her anymore either. I just don't care.   I stay far out of her way, hate to see her coming, but she is just not the kind of person i want to live with anymore.  Please know that I will never hate her though.  Am I feeling wrong?
What do you think I should do?

Veteran Member

Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 3/28/2008 7:06 PM (GMT -6)   

First of all I want to welcome you to the forum,we are very glad that you are here...

Wow..where to begin..... I don't think what you are feeling is wrong if she is "nick picking" at these things. It sounds like she is trying to keep "control" over her house.

I get that...it is her house,and she has people living there..but, that does not give her the right to make others feel like crap.

Here is what I would do....
Say:Sis",we need to talk... then set her down and tell her how you feel, obviously she loves you or she would not have you living in her house right?

Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

Please remember,I am not a professional..I am just a person who is also fighting depression.

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42613
   Posted 3/28/2008 7:37 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Upcode,

I agree with Shy. I think that you should have a heart to heart with her. I don't think that you are wrong either. It is hard to live with somebody who is so controlling. I most certainly couldn't do that.

I think that you should explain how you feel, and tell her that if she doesn't want you there, that you will look for another place. She must be very unhappy to treat you that way. You sound like a kind and caring person. You don't deserve to be treated that way. Maybe you could ignore a lot of it, but enough is enough.

I would also like to welcome you to the forum. You have come to a good place.

hugs, Karen
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

New Member

Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 3/28/2008 8:05 PM (GMT -6)   

Thank you both for your reply to me.  I try to understand that my sister might love me because she let me move into her home,  but I think she shows freeheartedness (initially) in order to get one under her control.  Nobody should be talked to in a disrespectful way (unless maybe) they have been warned and still refuses to adhere to what they were warned not to do. I am a grown old person and not a child nor have I acted like a child.


Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 2408
   Posted 3/29/2008 4:39 AM (GMT -6)   
I agree with Shy as well. Just because it is her house, it doesnt give her godly rights. Try talking to her and see what she says. I would say that if you cannot get anywhere by talking to her, then I would reconsider where you are living. But talk to her first... it might be a simple problem to iron out.

Everyone has a guardian angel. They help pick you up when you fall, comfort you through your times of need and help you appreciate the times when things are going well.
"A gold medal is a wonderful thing. But if your not enough without it, you will never be enough with it." - Irvine Blitzer (John Candy) in Cool Runnings
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Regular Member

Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 450
   Posted 3/29/2008 4:14 PM (GMT -6)   
I agree with talking with her before making any decisions. Be sure to word it in the "I feel" way and ask her what she is thinking...this way you aren't pointing fingers and you are involving her to be a part of the answer.

Something like "Sis, I have begun to feel uncomfortable here, I feel like you don't really want me to be here. I want you to know that I love you and wouldn't do anything to make you feel uncomfortable, so if you would feel better, I could move out. Do you think that might help our relationship?"

This invests her to help come up with an answer. Just don't say things bluntly..."you got mad that I read your books" rather "I felt that I stepped on your toes when I read your books." This way it won't put her on the defensive side, you're only explaining how you felt.

I didn't answer the poll because there I didn't see an in-between....talk about it, and together come up with a solution.
Mochiah/a.k.a. Sue
cervical fusion 2006
L4-5 surgery with cages, plates, and screws in 2005
MEDS:  Fentanyl patch, Norco, Celexa, trazodone, and baclofen
To handle yourself, use your head...to handle others, use your heart
I'm going to smile like nothing is wrong, act like everything is perfect, and pretend its not hurting me.

Regular Member

Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 424
   Posted 3/31/2008 4:22 PM (GMT -6)   
  Hi there,
  I don't think this situation is anything personal toward you.  Your sister sounds like she has been through something traumatic where she felt violated, and is now acting like a person who feels threatened by the world.  Blinds closed, feeling like you intruded when you innocently looked at her books, going in her room and closing the door:  these all point toward someone who is feeling overwhelmed and threatened by the world and feels the need to either block it out or push it off her property so to speak - including how she is over reacting to people with impatience and rudeness.  I think Karen noted, she sounds like she is a hurting person.  So I would say she probably did want you to come live with her because she loves you, but you are getting the backlash of her own woundedness acting out.  Do you know if she has been through some sort of abuse or trauma that could be behind how she is behaving? 
  I think if you stay there, it isn't going to get better any time soon.  Your sister will need to get in touch with the reality of her pain and hopefully find a good therapist to work with.  At the same time, part of her coming to the point of facing her fear etc. might come by you pointing out to her how she is acting.  Quite likely she doesn't even realize she is closing the world out and causing you and probably others to walk on egg shells around her.  I think talking to her woudl be good, but do it when you are feeling strong in yourself so you can be gentle with her, while at the same time maintaining your own need to be respected.  She needs gentleness in order to feel safe enough to open up, and you also want to be able to share your needs in a straightforward way.  But be prepared for her potential responses, as it might be that she may not be ready to open up at the moment about what's behind her actions.
  In any case, it does sound like you would fare better living somewhere else.  She is shouldering some heavy stuff, and unless she gains some self awareness, she'll likely continue to act the same way toward you.  On the other hand, if she gains the self awareness and seeks help, you may end up being her support person, and you need to ask yourself if you're up to that.  Often beign a support person is easier to do with some distance between the people involved - i.e. living together can make it too easy for the situation to becom too overwhelming.
  Also, you mentioned your sister is a christian.  I don't know what your beliefs are. But have you or your sister thought about praying in the different rooms of the house asking the Lord to come and cleanse it of anything negative, and filling it with peace?  I have done that before, and truly believe He hears the prayers of every person and answers them too, so thought I'd suggest it to you.  I am just thinking this might make a difference to how you sleep re. the dreams you mentioned.  
  I hope you and your sister both find arrangements and support for your individual situations.  I'm sure things will work out okay in time.  Hang in there.
  sincerly, manyembers
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