I too would like to welcome you to healing well. I think that you will find everybody kind and compassionate and willing to share and listen.
Shy is so right, you need counseling now. Your children are innocent in all of this. I too went through the same thing. My mother was verbally and physically abusive. And yes you find yourself doing the same thing, no matter how hard you didn't want to do the same thing she did. So please seek counseling.
When you recognize that you are following in her same footsteps. Tell yourself STOP. I don't want to do this to my children. You can break the cycle. With help.
We are here for you. So always remember when you get those feelings, come to us. We will talk you through it.
By counseling you will also learn how to cope with your husband also. You will learn to comunicate, and if he doesn't feel the need to be open with you, you may be making some changes. You can't continue to live with the mental abuse and what ever else he is putting you through.
So act now, you will be glad you did.
And I am so happy that you found us.
Have a wonderful day