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Post Edited (Admin) : 5/5/2004 4:19:32 PM GMT

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Post Edited (Admin) : 5/5/2004 4:11:26 PM GMT

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Peter

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 I have written many books and poetry in regards to my feelings for my children.  I always felt I would have enough time to tell them and to show them just how much they mean to me.  And now...........They are gone!! I feel a big empty space that I can't seem to fill up safely.  I miss them.  I miss being needed by them, and I miss the hugs and kisses before bedtime. They all live now in the place I brought them up in, and now we are seperated by miles that I just can't seem to get back to.  I just want things to be back the way they used to be and for them to always need me for something.  Isn't that sick?  I raised them all so that they would leave the nest someday, I just wanted really ready for them to leave at all.  And I have an abandonment issue anyway from my childhood, so I feel as though they might forget me, while they are living their lives.  I have so much love to give, and so much creativity with my puppetry, dancing, writings, and such that I just can't seem to get any of it out there for someone else to enjoy.  I always felt that I truly didn't start living at all until the birth of my first child, and then that they completed me, but now what do I do.  I find myself just walking around in cirlcles, and god help me, if I find an old picture in the house. I start crying and then I can't stop.  I am proud of each of them, they have stared adversity and death in the face and went on with their goals.  I never was a good role model for them, I was just mom, and that's all I ever wanted to be. Just mom, while society says that isn't good enough, I say that it is an emmy that not every one gets, nor should even be nominated for  so, I consider myself blessed.  I just really miss them.

I have been on wellbutrin for about two years. I have just been diagnosed with Parkinson's. They say it could be related to the wellbutrin. I cut my dose in half but little has changed. I lost about 35 lbs since I went on the drug and look great. I am afraid to go off! Has anyone gone off and gained weight? Has anyone gone on anything else that has helped them to loose weight?

I need to talk about withdrawing from Opiates.

Just a little hug sometimes is all we really need, Just a kiss of nourishment can be an aide to a planted seed. Just a little kindness can go a long long way, Just to pause to take a breath, to know we just need to make it through today, and then there's tomorrow. Just a wave from a friendly hand can lead us down the road we should trod, Just to know we all have a purpose is a gift from the almighty God. Just to hear, I love you, and to know those words are true, are just some of the many needed little things we need each day to see us through; Our illnesses, our doubts, Life!