Karen: Okay, reading about the breathing makes sense and it has reminded me of a hypnosis tape that I did with my therapist close to 2 years ago. I'm going to see if I can find that and do the two of them together and i know that will help. I'm so glad that you wrote back again. I have been a mess tonight and have just been crying nonstop. Between almost no medicine for the past few days and the stress I feel awful. And I also feel awful too because I honestly thought that I was getting a little bit better staying calmer and more logical on the phone with people when situations became stressful. It appears that it was all the medicine and not me. It just makes me wonder if I can ever be "me" again without the medicine?
Karen: There is no need for any apology. You have been so quick and have been my rock tonight. I truly appreciate it. Right now I think I'm going to just finish out my cry and try to get it out of me before I do my tape. Maybe between the two I can wear myself out, calm down and if I'm lucky get a few hours of sleep.
Karen: Thank you. I will seriously think about the zyprexa. Perhaps I should stop reading the enclosed pamphlets and just go on faith.
(((HUGS)))))))) and thank you.
Thank you to everyone who took the time to read and respond to my post. I spent a lot of the night and early morning thinking about your suggestions and they truly helped.
I did make it through the night last night --and I did not take the Zyprexa. I met with my therapist (who is my prescribing A.P.R.N.) this afternoon and we had a long talk about it. I told her that I was really afraid of taking it after reading the enclosed pamphlet and hearing negative comments from others. She basically restated some of what she told me last time we briefly talked about it. In regards to my two concerns about weight gain and issues such as developing diabetes, she told me that the dose that she is prescribing for me (i.e. 5 mg / I need to cut the tablet in half) is so low that she does not feel that I should be concerned about it. She indicated that these warnings would become issues in those taking higher dosages. She reinforced that she thinks I need to be on it at this time and until the stress in my life (i.e. school, my children always getting sick and my family) begins to lessen. And that I should keep a positive attitude that when I graduate (and she is sure that I will graduate) things will get better. So, to wrap it up, I guess I just need to trust her on this and take the Zyprexa. ..I must admit that I am still scared of it but I trust her so I will. I'll take my first dose before I go to bed later tonight. And she has promised that as long as she keeps receiving samples of Zyprexa and Cymbalta (which I also take) from the sales reps she will keep providing them to me so that I don't have to worry about having to pay for them at this point.
In the meanwhile, she has instructed me to stay focused. I did not get any of my school work done last night and at 8:00 pm I am restarting now. It is all due late Saturday evening when my class ends. Based on forum remarks from the last few assignments, I am 97% positive that my professor has written me off; because out of 8 weeks, I have only handed work in from week 5. Thus, I need to get about 7 assignments done by noon tomorrow before I call her and see if I can convince her to accept it and possibly grant me an extension to Tuesday morning to finish it up. I'm afraid if I call her now before I hand work in she will pull the plug on me and I don't want to fail another class.
The thing is...I always get A's on the assignments that I hand in. I love analyzing and writing so I always do well. For me the whole problem is staying focused and not letting my depression and anxiety and financial issues get the best of me. Because when this happens I freeze and then fail and I cannot afford to fail this class again too.
I am so sorry that I wrote so much here. And if any of you are good about saying prayers...could you find a few seconds to ask for some inspiration and strength for me to get through the next few days??
Karen: I just wanted to thank you again for spending so much time writing back and forth with me last night. You have done that once before with me and I honestly do not know how I would have made it through either one of those times on my own. Just the fact that you would wait to respond back to something I wrote to make sure I was okay, really helped. Thank you for helping me not be "so alone" last night by being their live for me.
I believe that you truly have a gift when it comes to helping people. And I am thankful that you were there for me last night. So here are a yet return ((((((((HUGS)))))))))) for you. I'll let you know how I am feeling tomorrow as I will be trying the Zyprexa in a few hours.
Quietpain: Thank you for sharing your experience with Zyprexa with me. Having multiple fears of just wanting to feel better again yet being afraid of the drug has been difficult and it is nice to hear a vote of confidence for it. And I am glad that after having your medical problems from it that you are okay again and that it has helped you to keep everything in perspective.
In regards to the weight, I used to be so skinny and I have gained so much that I look like a different person right now. If I was to actually start exercising do you think that I could either lose some weight or maybe not gain more - while taking Zyprexa? I am really scared of what to expect here and I don't mean to sound vain but I don't think I could handle gaining any more weight as it has gone up from 116 lbs to about 175 lbs.
It does sound like your therapist is keeping your best interest at heart here. I imagine that a half of a tablet would be safe. I can see your point though, the side effects are scarey. But it sounds like you wont be taking enough to bother you. I am gald that you had the appointment with her today. It sounds like she has a lot of faith in you.
I take something similar to that called abilify. And it helps me to concentrate on things. It takes away obsessive thinking and helps to keep me in the now. Though I am feeling like I might need an increase lately. My mind is starting to worry and I get stressed a little easier. It gets hard to shut it off. But The abilify is for the same reasons that your zyprexa is and it helps a lot, plus it is a mood stableizer (sp). I am glad that I started it. It has really helped me a lot.
Thank you for what you said Cass, that really did make me feel good. I feel so good when I find out that I helped somebody. And I find you to be a very special hard working person. You Always try so hard. And I am sure that you are going to get your school work done and ace those exams. I think that the medication will help you and everything is going to turn out good. I am having faith in this.
Make sure that you keep me posted on how things are going. Let me know how the medication works. Hope you have a relaxing evening and a restful night. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Luv and hugs, Karen
Thank you, Karen. What you said actually brought "happy" tears to my eyes. I never really thought of anyone else not being able to focus and getting stuck because of not being able to stop all the other thoughts going through their mind. I guess I have always just thought of it as me -and I have never even stopped to think of someone else struggling with it as well. Thank you for sharing that with me. I guess I didn't think enough or fully realize that the medicine would help to stop that. I have just thought of myself as a failure so much over these last few years.
I sincerely hope that you can work out your dosage to feel better too. I appreciate all your kind comments and thoughts and support. Since my divorce 3 years ago, I have felt so alone. Right now it feels so reassuring to know that there is somebody out there who cares.
Post Edited (CassandraLee) : 4/24/2008 9:15:14 PM (GMT-6)
You are such a sweetheart with the kind words of expression that you have said to me. It really does make me feel good to hear that I may have helped you.
And no you are not alone, you have us to help keep you going. We are always here for you and will continue to be here.
I really hope that this medication helps you to feel better and think more clearly. I get obsessive thoughts that I just can't get out of my head and consequently build mountains out of molehills. We can control our thinking, or direct it so to speak. We can even channel it to use it for good things. It is all a matter of the right medication and a little work on our part.
I have things that would normally really stress me out, but I have learned to put those thoughts away and focus on the now. That is where the meditation comes into place. You learn to train your mind to stay in the now and not wander around to unconstructive thoughts. Things that distract you, I should say. It all has to do with the mind and body connection. I can always clue you in to some of that if you would like. You can email me and I would be more than happy to help you with that. My email address is in my profile.
I hope that you got a good nights sleep last night. That is so important with all that you have going on.
We are getting some much needed rain today. We had about 11 forest fires going yesterday accrossed the state. I am a mushroom hunter and it has been warm enough but too dry for them to come up, so hopefully now they will pop. They are so tastey to eat. Yum...
Take care, keep me posted on how you are doing.