8 years after (a new member)

Hi everyone this is my first post, I'm a 22 year old male who feels like a nervous wreck at the moment. I'm about to graduate with my degree soon this coming May and I'm extremely stressed out about a multitude of things ranging from school projects to finding a new apartment, and lastly a girl.

To give you some back ground information, my mother was diagnosed with MS when I was about 5 years old. I had no clue what was going on until I was about 7 yrs old. All I knew is my mother was sick. I watched her progress with the illness (which she had worse case scenario) through every stage. I spent about 4-5 years of my child hood in a nursing home from i think the age 10-14 visiting her. Sometimes I could only see her once a week due to my fathers schedule who worked about 60 hours a week trying to support me and my sisters. When I was 14, she eventually passed on valentines day at the early hours in the morning. It was snowing out, I remember just staring out the window experiencing something that felt only surreal.

Whats strange is me and the rest of my family only had brief counseling sessions that seemed to never really accomplish much. So as time went on so did our lives I attended two different high schools, I still have friends from both and was usually a pretty decent student based on my circumstances. I never got into hard drugs, and still played sports to a certain degree. During freshmen year a (major crisis affected my family) but I dont want to indulge in that story yet. Its disturbing and will make most of you guys feel a combination of emotions.

By the time I was 18 and about to graduate I noticed a drastic change in my fathers personality. He was on heavy anti depressants, pain killers and recently had undergone back surgery. He lost his long time job due to being a liability and too physically inept to perform. I was a few weeks away from graduation when he attempted suicide. I somehow made it through that time frame to graduation and have no clue how I didnt break down.
My friends still are puzzled to this day of how stayed on a good path. But as lately I just cant stop having flash backs of all these past memories and all the small let downs I experienced even dating back to being about 5 or 6. This last Valentines day was extremely hard for me, I dont know why either, but being single as usual didnt help. I dont have the money to talk to a shrink. I dont even have money for medical or dental insurance. Im also at the point of feeling completely hopeless at meeting a decent girl. I dont have problems with meeting girls, I know Im pretty decent looking, but the last 3 girls Ive dealt with have completely messed with my pride and emotions. I should probably try pursuing an older girl? i dont know anymore

What bothers me most is I feel like when ever open up to the average girl about my past it might scare them off because they cant relate.

What
- Ive been in the -------- real world since my adolescence


.... Im gonna go make a drink, anyone can say anything or add on I dont care....


<FONT color=red>Reason for edit:

I have taken out 2 words in your post as we dont allow members to use swear words in their posts. Darren

Post Edited By Moderator (ShynSassy) : 4/26/2008 5:30:09 AM (GMT-6)

Hi there Robbiez and Welcome to HealingWell,

I am really glad that you have found us. We are like a big family here and we help and support each other and I think that is what makes Healingwell the success that it is. Im sorry it has taken me a while to respond but I am a UK based moderator and I have only been awake for a about an hour and a half!

I can relate to how you are feeling about your graduation as I am 23 and also graduate this year (We graduate in July though). It is a stressful time anyway with projects to hand in and paperwork to sort out etc... without having other problems on to of that as well.

Have you considered seeing a psychologist about the flashbacks? If they are becoming regular and are interferring with your normal life then I would suggest that you need to see someone about them. It sounds as if you have been a wonderfully strong person through out your life. With your mum passing, with your dads suicide attempt etc... You can only be strong for so long though before you have to let things out.

Please keep talking to us.

Darren

HI Robiez,

I agree with Darren, you should go to counseling, they will help you through this.  There are many mental health programs that can help you.  I am sure that you are at the limit to get help from the state.  That is if you are from the US. 

As Darren said, it sounds like these past issues are interfering with your today life.  They need to be resolved.  Be it with a counselor or be it here from writing.  That often seems to put things into perspective for you. 

I am sorry for all that you have been through, it sounds like it has been a rough road.  If you meet a girl that you like, you can always approach your issues slowly with her, you don't have to blurt it out from the get go.  Unless that is what you want to do.  But I think that counseling would be the best approach.  Contact your local mental health system and explain your financial situation and see if there is a program that you would fall under.  There are a lot of resources out ther, you just have to find them. 

So there are different options to getting the help that you need.  You just have to find them.  I really wish you luck with your venture.  Keep posting, we would love to hear more and we will help you in any way that we can.

hugs, Karen

Well I definetly appreciate hearing some feed back. My only problem is that having such a busy schedule, would make it hard to attend sessions. I tend to put off these kinds of things so hopefully I can find the ambition to actually follow through for once..

I think its important to clear a space in your schedule for this. I hope you manage to get an appointment and you get to go. Let us know.

Darren