Cheer me up, Please!

TeNNiSd0C09

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Joined : Jul 2007

Posts : 1303

Posted 4/29/2008 4:22 PM (GMT -7)

Hello everyone...I have been doing really good lately and have felt alot better, however, today hasnt been the same. I have.. (ughh, I hate admitting it) but today I have felt down. I hate saying that because I have been doing so well... I have been starting to see it a little more for the past few days, but today I saw the down-ness clearly. I even felt good yesterday because I talked to my counselor. Why do I have to feel bad today!!!!

I am getting that feeling that things are becoming overwhelming. Or things are becoming crowded and stuff. I am just having feelings I had before. I dont know what to do to keep it all away. I know this usually sneaks up on us, but once again, I had been feeling like I was getting better. I also know there are rocks in the road, but still. I have hit many boulders in my road these past months and I dont wish to hit another, but I feel as if I may have... at least hit a big rock!

I am not sure what caused this though. My parents were fighting today, that didnt help, but I felt down before that. I have 4 more weeks of school until summer. Maybe I am having thoughts back to last summer...(horrible summer)... Maybe because in 4 weeks I will be a senior and things will be stressful then...

Whatever it is, I WANT IT TO GO AWAY!!!! Why does it always have to happen when I start feeling better??? I have been doing so good. I have been so proud of myself and I have been thinking that I have finally gotten away from it, but apparently not.

Am I ever going to get away from this...(retorical question, I know I really can, someday.)

sigh... does anyone want to help cheer me up? Thats the approach I am taking. I am trying to cheer myself up... I need some assistance!

"Healing is an energy phenomenon. Hope is another ~~word~~ for Healing.
"Cracks in the concrete are just reminders that you fall apart ~~no matter~~ how strong you are"
"Sometimes it is best to forget what you feel and remember what you deserve"
"Im going to ~~smile~~ like nothing is ~~wrong~~, ~~talk~~ like everything is ~~perfect~~, ~~act~~ like its all a ~~dream~~, and ~~pretend~~ its not ~~hurting me~~."

kevinbrown213

New Member

Joined : Apr 2008

Posts : 6

Posted 4/29/2008 5:07 PM (GMT -7)

Hang in there. I'm having a bit of trouble myself. My doctor switched up my medications a while ago and it feels like they aren't working. Just try to look at the positive things in your life. I know it is hard but hang in there.

getting by

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Joined : Sep 2007

Posts : 42889

Posted 4/29/2008 6:33 PM (GMT -7)

I think that Kevin is right when he says to try to look at the positive things. Some days there aren't as many but they are there somewhere. You will be feeling better in no time.

hugs, Karen

Moderator-Depression

fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

TeNNiSd0C09

Veteran Member

Joined : Jul 2007

Posts : 1303

Posted 4/29/2008 7:05 PM (GMT -7)

Thanks. But, I dont feel better.... sigh, my mom is driving me insane. I am trying really hard just to make it through tonight, but right now I dont feel as if tomorrow will be any better. (honestly not trying to be negative) I know you guys will jump on me for being negative, but I cant help it. Im not even sure if I care. I am supposed to go talk to my counselor tomorrow. I think if I feel like this tomorrow I want to talk to my teacher first and see what happens...maybe I will just spill it all out on how I am feeling... but I will see what she says and how I feel, and "maybe" I will decide to tell my counselor. Who knows. I dont want to go to her now since she knows how good I have been doing, but as good as I have been, I have still had this inside of me....

So, I kind of feel like I have still had this with me just waiting to hit again and I feel like it isnt something I should let go anymore... I have been been dealing with this for almost 11 months and I still havent gotten any help... I thought I could do it myself, but I dont feel as if I am being fair to myself...

I dont know. Maybe this is just a thing. But, it has happened so many times before and I am tired of it. I am tired of taking my chances and not doing anything about it. I dont know what to do, but I have to do something...

ShynSassy

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Joined : Dec 2005

Posts : 3036

Posted 4/30/2008 4:55 AM (GMT -7)

Hi Tennis

You have to take it one day at a time. I too have days where I wake up and everything just feels wrong.
I have to remind myself all of the time that I am ok,and things are not that bad.
But,being overwhelmed with life,and then having anxiety and panic attacks is hard to deal with.

Maybe you should think about getting your mind off of things. Forcing yourself to go for a nice long walk.
Or getting some books from the library.

Or buying an Exercise video,and popping it in when you start to get overwhelmed and can feel the anxiety coming on....

Shy

Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

Please remember,I am not a professional..I am just a person who is also fighting depression.

TeNNiSd0C09

Veteran Member

Joined : Jul 2007

Posts : 1303

Posted 4/30/2008 12:07 PM (GMT -7)

Yeah, I woke up yesterday feeling fine, like normal, but then I started feeling it during one of my classes. I just get very worried about it because when I feel that way I get headaches and my neck has been hurting alot... and I have been having these strange sharp pains in the back of my eyes. Its weird. But, it worries me, whether its a bad sign or just my imagination...I dont know. You guys probably know some feelings feel real, but they can be over-imagnined or irrational...so... I am not sure what to be worried about. I must be in a flare or something... maybe.

Today has been ok. I have felt somewhat upset about things. I talked to my teacher some this morning, although it kind of made me frustrated. I feel like its so bad, but no one understands how bad it is. I just want to pour everything out or something... I just feel like I am 2 seperate people. One person is happy-go-lucky and the other experiences all these horrible things... I dont like it because sometimes I am the happy person and Im trying to explain to someone about the bad things, but it doesnt seem like anything is wrong.... BUT when I am the horrible experienced person, I dont speak up and have a meltdown in front of anyone...

I really want that right now. I want to have a meltdown and just cry and say everything. I want everyone I have been trying to tell to understand my pain and what I am/have going through. My mom especially. She doesnt care. She is against the "mild anxiety" pill I am taking now and says I wont be taking anymore of it. (she calls it a nerve pill and claims she is the one who should be taking a "nerve" pill) That made me so upset. If I told her half of everything she would yell and get mad and refuse to believe any of it.

Sorry, I am getting carried away. I cant help it. It just makes me so angry... I dont know yet if I will be seeing my counselor, most likely I wont be...

Hope everyone is doing good. Take care.

getting by

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Joined : Sep 2007

Posts : 42889

Posted 4/30/2008 1:44 PM (GMT -7)

Hi Christi,

Please try to relax, you might see your counselor today and get to talk to her about the way that you are feeling right now. It sounds like your anxiety is up. You need to try to do things to relax yourself. Maybe listen to some good music when you get home, or take a nice relaxing walk or a bath. What ever helps you.

keep posting and let us know how things are going.

hugs, Karen

Moderator-Depression

fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

TeNNiSd0C09

Veteran Member

Joined : Jul 2007

Posts : 1303

Posted 4/30/2008 4:33 PM (GMT -7)

Yea, I went to talk to her. I decided to tell her about what happened with my mom and stuff instead of talking more about the past(although, I am still going to do that!)... but she is encouraging me to talk to my mom about the whole medicine thing and stuff. I told her I would try.... so, we did get to talk. I was hoping to get to talk to my mom today... I am pretty sure it will turn into a fight, it always does... but, I didnt care because I am ready to yell it out at her! If thats what it takes to get it through to her...

Although, I really needed to talk to my counselor about the past...the time I almost ODed...that was because I "couldnt" talk to anyone and I wanted to get my parents(mostly my moms) attention... which sounds stupid, but thats what was in my head. Maybe I should let her be aware of that... she knows its hard for me to talk to my mom, but thats how far it almost went the last time.. I am not going through that again! So, I guess I should tell her about that soon...

Well, I feel ok now. I am really stressed because I have a HUGE anatomy test tomorrow. It is going to be hardcore brutal! So...and I dont feel like studying for it... (AHHHHH!!!!!!)

Ok, enough venting

ShynSassy

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Joined : Dec 2005

Posts : 3036

Posted 5/1/2008 4:40 AM (GMT -7)

Tennis

Is there anyway that your mom can join you in one of your sessions?
I think that somethings parents have a blind eye,because they don't want to admit that there is a problem that they can't handle themselves.

Then maybe your counselor can talk to your mom and help her to understand what you are going through?

Shy

Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

Please remember,I am not a professional..I am just a person who is also fighting depression.

TeNNiSd0C09

Veteran Member

Joined : Jul 2007

Posts : 1303

Posted 5/1/2008 12:03 PM (GMT -7)

lol Umm.... I am not sure. My mom doesnt even know I talk to my counselor about it. Although, yesterday my counselor gave me a bottle of green tea...(lol we had tea!) Anyways, I was drinking it at home and my mom asked where I got it. I told her from my counselor. She asked why so I told her because I went to talk to her...(we were at the dinner table)... She asked what I talked to her about and I told her it was none of her business (not in a mean way)....So she was like, I can just call her and ask... I said, No you cant because its confidential!

But, my mom actually knows my counselor, they rode the same school bus, way back when! (just kidding!) Although, my counselor doesnt really remember my mom, she was in a higher grade than my mom I think so...

Im sure its possible. If I were to ask my counselor to talk to her... It would be weird... but yeah, I guess it could happen... I dont know if it will though...

ShynSassy

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Joined : Dec 2005

Posts : 3036

Posted 5/1/2008 2:44 PM (GMT -7)

Tennis

It sounds like your Mom is trying to reach out.. she asked you "What did you talk about".. that is code to me for "I want to know what is going on with you".

I know you think she doesn't care ect ect.. parents suck ect ect.. but please remember that being a parent does not come with a step by step book.
You learn,you make mistakes,you learn and you make more mistakes..but you always love your kids...

Shy

Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

Please remember,I am not a professional..I am just a person who is also fighting depression.

TeNNiSd0C09

Veteran Member

Joined : Jul 2007

Posts : 1303

Posted 5/1/2008 8:25 PM (GMT -7)

I think that you are getting the wrong impression. Yea, my mom did say that, she didnt say it like she meant it though...she was just throwing stuff out there. She never wants to know what is going on with me. Not once (in my life) has she asked if something were going on or anything like that. She isnt like that. My family(not just her) doesnt sit and talk...ever...and never have. We dont express things in our house, not our feelings, thoughts, or anything. I wish it werent this way, but it is.

Its not that I think she doesnt care. Shes my mom, shes supposed to care. She has never shown it so I dont ever expect her too... but its that she doesnt understand it. I know that for sure, but she doesnt "attempt" to understand it. I have tried numerous times to explain to her what anxiety is and she still doesnt get it. And I didnt say parents sucked either. But, yeah, it sucks to have parents who have never asked to talk or have never showed feelings or anything. That does suck. I also understand that parenting doesnt come with a book, but life doesnt come with a book either. Everyone learns and makes mistakes. Trust me, I get that.

I dont mean to be quick about this, it just seemed like I did something wrong here. You kinda made it sound like I dont care. When in fact, I do. And you dont know my mom either so its hard to tell. She has never showed affection. Its just never been like that. We dont talk and I think that has screwed up so much now... And its not just my mom. But what really hurts, I remember when I was younger, I was little, I got a Valentine's Day card from my mom and it said I love you on the inside. Well, I actually cried and I put it in the drawer....I went and got my mom and I actually asked her if she really did love it. I didnt believe the card. She seemed to think I was strange for asking and she said yes...in a plain tone... So... I remember that though...

That still hurts. For me to think at such a young age I wasnt sure if my mom loved me or not because she never said it to me and never showed it. She still hasnt... I know she must because she is my mom, but it kills me that my family cant be closer.....

TeNNiSd0C09

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Joined : Jul 2007

Posts : 1303

Posted 5/1/2008 8:27 PM (GMT -7)

Off topic from my mom, most importantly, I also wanted to let you guys know that I talked to my counselor and I told her how I almosted ODed a few months ago...Oh yea, I actually told her this, OUT LOUD... kinda a big thing since I havent been able to do that yet...

ShynSassy

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Joined : Dec 2005

Posts : 3036

Posted 5/2/2008 3:37 AM (GMT -7)

Hi Tennis
I did not mean to imply that you did not care. I am a mom,and have made plenty of mistakes. I was just trying to read between the lines and help you find a way to reach out to her.

I still hope that you are able to figure out a way to do that.

That is great that you are able to tell your counselor, I am sure you feel alot better being able to talk about it.

Shy

Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

Please remember,I am not a professional..I am just a person who is also fighting depression.

TeNNiSd0C09

Veteran Member

Joined : Jul 2007

Posts : 1303

Posted 5/2/2008 4:37 AM (GMT -7)

Its ok. You didnt do anything. Its just a sensitive subject for me... We have had a lot of problems over the years, and I have just always wished it were different...

Yeah, I felt a bit better. I have told her everything, or almost, and now maybe we can just piece it all together and talk about it... I just feel like talking about it for some reason.... I am still not able to just let go of everything. It cant be easy to just let go of a huge chunk of your life though... I dont know. the last time I did that, I ended up having to talk about it now.... So, I want to do the right thing to get over it so that it isnt a future problem.. hopefully! Take Care!

enWayen

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Joined : Apr 2008

Posts : 585

Posted 5/2/2008 5:15 AM (GMT -7)

Eej Tennis,

I am afraid I can't help you with any problems you might have with your parents. But I can tell you this, someday you will feel good, really good, and it will last.

What really helped me, is to focus on the moment now, instead of worrying about the future, or feeling bad because of the past. You could try it out. Focus on this moment, and try to stop thinking. Look around, but only try to see shapes, instead of objects. Listen, but try to hear sounds instead of objects making sounds. Focus on your breathing, and try to forget anything around you. After a moment ask yourself the following question: "What is wrong with this moment?". Not the next minute, day, year, but this split of a second only.

I know the above is very spiritual, but you have to know that I always had critics against things like that. Before I found out that it worked for me. You could give it a try if you feel like doing it, and it just might help to get peace with that moment. Accepting that moment can help you to accept things the way they are. You can still try to make things better, but accepting the situation can give you peace, and peace will help you to get rid of sadness and pain.

Being aware of the situation is most important, and since you have talked to others, you are aware.
Things will get better.

getting by

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Posted 5/2/2008 6:15 AM (GMT -7)

Wayen,

I just love how you explain 'being in the now'. I know it is so hard for some people, it was for me. But life is so much better if we could just live in the now and appreciate what is going on in the now. Thank you for that type of explanation.

hugs, Karen

Moderator-Depression

fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

TeNNiSd0C09

Veteran Member

Joined : Jul 2007

Posts : 1303

Posted 5/2/2008 3:24 PM (GMT -7)

That is a very good suggestion. I actually tend to do this quite often! I never started doing it on purpose, I just like to stop, look, and listen anyways! Its hard to remain like that all of the time, but I do stop frequently and try my best to live in the now. It works for me sometimes...just depends on where I am. It works best when I am outside. Then I can see the world and everything that is so natural and pure, ya know... Thats why I prefer to read outside! Thank you for suggesting that though! It is a very peaceful, calm experience so...I enjoy it. Take care

enWayen

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Posts : 585

Posted 5/3/2008 6:42 AM (GMT -7)

I'm glad to hear that it helps you. Every time I feel just a little bad, I try to figure out what the cause is, and accept it. Small things tend to be easier to accept and forget than big things, so I try to find possible sources of sadness as soon as possible. When I do feel sad, I just look around and try to appreciate the moment.

I have to admit, last week I was depressed, now I feel enlightened. During my depression I was constantly worrying about stuff that couldn't be changed. Now I have learn to accept the things I at first found unfair, and appreciate the good things. Right now, I appreciate the fact that I am able to use a computer to type this message. As soon as I get irritated of something, I focus on the now, and try to observe my emotions. Being aware of your emotions, what caused them, etc. will help you to handle them. As I said before, as soon as I start feeling insecure or sad, I try to find the source of it (which isn't hard at all), I accept it the way it is now, right now, and after that I leave it alone or I will try to make it better. For instance, if I feel stressed because of the upcoming finals, I accept that I can't change the date of those exams, and I will try to make that feeling go away by studying. You can use the future to remind you of the things that need to be done right now. Something similar with the past. Accept everything that happened there will let you focus on the now. You can't change the past, so don't try, and don't feel bad about certain mistakes you made, accept that you made them, and try to do it better next time. Some with the mistakes of others.

You have to remember that in the end you, and only you will decide how you feel. Others can give you certain feelings, but it is you who decide how you feel. Accepting things can give you peace, and once you have peace, negative emotions and thoughts have nowhere to go. Well, that is how things work for me.

Maybe you could try to accept your parents, no matter how hard it is. If you can accept them, you will have peace with them, and thus no more negative feelings. You can try to change them for the better after that, and it won't hurt you when it fails, because you have peace with them. If they do change for the better, you will be filled with joy.

I know it is really hard to accept everything and live in the now, but after just a week of thinking and "meditating" (sit around and observe stuff, not making hummmmm noises ;) ) I can feel the difference, and I have climbed up from near total depression to a state of peace. And if I can do it, you can do it.

I hope this is somewhat useful.

Take care!

ShynSassy

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Joined : Dec 2005

Posts : 3036

Posted 5/3/2008 3:38 PM (GMT -7)

((((((((((((hugs tennis)))))))))))))))

Shy

Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

Please remember,I am not a professional..I am just a person who is also fighting depression.

TeNNiSd0C09

Veteran Member

Joined : Jul 2007

Posts : 1303

Posted 5/3/2008 5:23 PM (GMT -7)

thanks Shy! be careful on the hugs though, I am incredibly sore! Every muscle in my body! Too much playing outside! But, I had so much fun just being able to do the things I love and have fun... but I hate paying the price... :( But, Im stubborn, I would rather just play! :D

ShynSassy

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Joined : Dec 2005

Posts : 3036

Posted 5/4/2008 4:39 AM (GMT -7)

I know what you mean.. it is so nice to be able to get outside after the harsh winter!

Shy

Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

Please remember,I am not a professional..I am just a person who is also fighting depression.

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