(WARNING:VERY SAD STORY[but I really need to vent])I just realized while typing a reply on something else that tomorrow is May 20th. Its a big day for me... 3 years ago May 20th is when my Grandma passed away. I was only 13 at the time and wasnt sure how to react, but I have never gotten over it... For those of you who know me you know that I am not close to people. She was the only person I have ever been close to. She meant the world to me, still does. I was her first grandchild our of 3 so there was a special bond between us.
For as long as I can remember she has been there for me. I called her everyday even when I had nothing ot talk about. She fell 2 weeks before the 20th which was on a Friday. I remember everything very vividly. I remember coming home to my dad pacing in the front yard. We went to her house and she was so stubborn, she wouldnt go to the hospital. She knew what was wrong, I believe. That Sunday was Mother's Day... I spent every minute with her. She went to the hospital the next day. I woke up, went to school, went to the hospital, went to sleep, and repeated everyday. A week and 1/2 later(Wedn.) I went ot see her as usual.
I remember every detail. I was watching American Idol that night. My dad was tearing up behind me, but I pretended not to notice. Everytime I looked back she was watching me, smiling. I knew she was remembering the good times we spent. I knew how much she loved me. When we finally said goodbye, as I walked out, I said "I love you" and she mumbled the say back to me, but her eyes caught my attention. While looking into them, I could tell she didnt want me to leave.
She knew it was the last time she would see me. I never saw her awake after that. Thursday night I had the choice of staying the night, and I didnt, I wish I had. Friday morning I went early and she hang on until I got there. about 10-15 minutes later, I left the room because I knew.
Anyways, tomorrow is the day. I know she is watching over me and wants me to be happy. Tomorrow is also Awards Day at school. I will recieve several awards...and I know she will be watching me. She would be so proud of me now. I have grown up so much and I wish she were physically here. I want to be able to hold her fragile body in my strong arms. I want to show her how much she means to me. I want to feel her warmth and recieve her kiss. I want to see the way she looked at me, proud, loving, like I was everything to her. If she were here now I would tell her how much I love her and hold her tight within my grip.
But, she's not. I have to let go and realize I cant change it. I old her picture tight across my heart as my tears drip down. I close my eyes and see her face looking back at me. I want to reach for her, but I cant touch her. She rises above me and keeps a close eye. She is always right beside me. She is so proud of me. And she loves me very much. I have never gotten over it, as she meant more to me than anything, but I am SO glad that she is in a better place. She is at the hands of God and He is taking good care of her. She feels no pain. She is at peace now.
I didnt mean for this to be so sad, to bring back your own memories, or to make anyone cry. I just needed to get it out. If anyone else wishes to let it out, thats ok. We are all here together. I am very grateful to have each of you in my life. You guys have done so much for me and I have gained so much. Thank you guys so much!
Dominus Vobiscum(the Lord be with you [in Latin] ) =]