I was going back a few pages and found this and I swear, you could be my twin. UC and everything!! Haha.
High school was probably THE worst time of my entire life. I was depressed and at times almost suicidal and spent most of the time drinking or doing drugs. I don't know if it was to fit in or to just forget about
everything. I think my UC played a large part in it because I was diagnosed in 9th grade and it was pretty traumatic thinking I was the only one with this disease, constantly running to the bathroom in school (which is really difficult to do because teachers always made a big deal about
it and were like "too bad, you should've gone on break" I wanted to scream "I DID go on break, twice, and now I have to go again!").
All I'd ever really wanted is that cliche girl friendship that you see in movies, you know, where you have a best friend or even a few best friends that you do everything with, go shopping, to the movies, talk about
boys, whatever. It seemed like all of my 'friends' had this bond with someone, but never me. I was always the last resort friend, the one who took their picture but never was in it, the one who they called when their other friends weren't around. So, I definitely stopped hanging out with all of them, and I do talk to one or two occaisionally on myspace but for the most part, I think getting away from them all was a good thing. And after a few years, most of them aren't even friends with their old friends and they've grown up some and it's easier to talk to them now. I still don't have a best friend, other than my boyfriend I guess, but at least I don't have fake friends who make me feel crappy anymore.
And man do I know what you mean about
people saying it's all your fault. I can't tell you how many times I've been told "Well maybe if you TRIED to hang out with them, or if you tried to be more outgoing people would want to be your friend" Well ***, why is it that I have to be someone I'm not and make this huge effort when it seems like everyone else just makes instant best friends wherever they go?
It's not our fault that we're introverted or socially anxious or just too cool to relate to the majority of people our age ;)
I did eventually stop hanging out with all my high school "friends" and there are a few I talk to from time to time on myspace but we never hang out.. It's weird, when I meet new people, I get all these thoughts like "What will we do if we hang out? What if they think I'm boring? What could we have in common?" and I think I maybe do sabotage things a little bit in my mind but I do know one thing for sure- most people never talk to their high school friends afterwards, and for the most part I think we're better off without them. Once you're able to work and get back into "life" I'm sure you (and I) will meet some great girls who we can finally vent to without them ignoring us and just waiting for their turn to talk! Heck, we've found it on here anyway, at least that's something. I know it's not the same when you can't get together and hang out in your PJ's and eat giant bowls of ice cream and talk about
everything and anything (hey, that's the ideal situation I always imagine, hahaha) but at least it's something :)
Female, 22, Ulcerative colitis (pancolitis) since 1999; GERD; gastritis; oste
openia in hip & lumbar region of the spine from long term prednisone use. Current Meds:
10mg Lexapro (for depression/social anxiety)
Digestive Advantage: Crohn's and Colitis formula (2 pills per day, started 5/14/08)