My Dear Friend Dark,
You are moving you just are not recognizing it. You here with us, your getting through the days and the long nights but you are making it and taking those baby steps.
Grief in bereavement is a universal human experience that is handled in different ways by different people. The nature of your relationship that you had with the friend you have lost, the quality of the relationship, and your own personality all play major roles in the grieving process. It is ok to grieve for your friend in your own way and still keep moving ahead.
Do something in honor of her life. Plant a tree, or tie a ribbon around a tree, or write a poem in her memory, anything that helps you to honor the kind and wonderful person she was.
Remember she had an illness and would not have left you if she had not been sick.
So when you sit by that ocean toss some rocks into the water and with each rock remember something good about her or a memory that makes you smile.
Let your tears help you heal and know I am near you in spirit.
Gentle Hugs dear friend