Thanks Kitt, I will try that chat schedule! I did get on yesterday to chat, and there wasn't anyone on at the time, but I look forward to Tuesday!
Thank you for the kind words. I am hard on myself, but I don't feel like I accomplish much at all! I don't have the insurance or money right now to afford a therapist, which is why I finally began typing. You are right about my thinking process, I am forecasting my days before they even happen, and putting expectations on myself that as soon as the day begins, I give up. I just thought something, when I do get up and begin to accomplish tasks, that's when I believe that my spouse starts to think "OK, she's fine now. I can start asking for things from her" that's my belief of what he thinks. He doesn't do anything on purpose, he just doesn't have a clue what goes on inside my head. When I try to explain, he honestly looks at me and is like, "you think what? You are crazy! " I mean, he doesn't get it! And then on a good day, he acts great, but expects the world. At least it seems to me he expects the world. I don't know if I am making any sense. I am trying not to act like I know what is going on inside his head, but what I think he is thinking. And trying to type that is difficult! I hope I am making some sense! OK, so when I start my day, if I am in a good mood and trying to have a good day, then it seems like I need to be superwoman, to make up for the days lost.
Today is Father's Day, so I am going to have a good day. I will get up and clean up around the house, then whatever my spouse and children want to do today, we will do. I will have fun, because today, I feel pretty good. I don't have an alcohol problem, but lately I have enjoyed wine, and I normally don't drink at all. This morning (and last night) I have really wanted some, to relax, and enjoy my day while I clean house. This was on my mind when I woke up, instantly, I thought, I can't buy wine today. What will I do to relax? I have a big day today, and I need something to relax. I know that it probably isn't the best idea, but surely there is nothing wrong with having some wine to spend the day with family and pick up the house? I hope that everyone out there has a good day today, and that you keep writing, because your words have helped me, and I enjoy getting your feedback, it does help. Isn't that weird? I never thought that anything lilke this would help. I hope that today goes well, I could gauge it as the beginning of a good week! I will talk later in the day. Hope everyone is well