This is my first time putting me and my problems out in open like this. I have been a member only a short time and I will admitt it has taken me a few day's to get to this point. I have been reading everyones entries and I can clearly see the compation that everyone on this site has. It fills my heart with gladness to know there is a safe place for people share there everyday crisis.
My husband has always had a drinking problem, he was what some might call 'A Functional Alcoholic', and we just kept sliding by. In 06 he knew something was wrong he was getting sicker and sicker, instead of listening to my advice to see a doctor, he went to drinking more, I guess to cover up his fears. In late Dec., he finally agree to make the appointment. He was diagnosed with cancer. Large B Cell Lymphoma. I fought him everyday to get him to agree with the Doctor's plan of therapy, 8 month's of Chemo., and as the days got closer, he began drinking more and more. I was getting to the point I wanted him to leave, but I stuck it out because I knew he would not follow through if I wasn't there to push him. Then the day arrived for his regimen to begin, he went. The first treatment was very long, he had a really hard time. The next one went a little easier so he managed to push that first beer down. After that day, he road the pace he had managed to set for himself. Every Chemo., more beer. By the time he got to his last treatment he had become a heavy duty, full blown alcoholic. The family support was gone, the kids didn't want to come around any more. My life had managed to head for a ride of no return in sight. At this point, I was becoming more and more depressed. I got angry with my kids, I didn't want nothing to do with our families, in my eye's everyone abandoned me. I have been left to deal with all these problems I created.
Recently I asked him to leave. He went off to PA with his family. Everday he calls trying to get me to cave, as I have time and time again. Last night he called to inform me, he has made an appointment with our local outpatient rehab., clinic for help and he would be home this coming Sunday. I told him they have Rehab., centers everywhere and he should stay in PA, with his family where he would have alot of love and support. He insist he can't do this without me. This is the point I start caving...He know's it and so do I. Do I stick to my dicision and let him face all the pain he has caused, or do I treat this as another disease and stand by him once again?
Lost and confused...
Always look to your past to better your future