Feeling good one day but it never lasts

I have struggled so hard to fight my depression.  I got a part time job last fall to keep busy and I thought it would be fun.  It turned out to be a nightmare.  So for now I am happy not working. But I feel somthing is missing.  Maybe I need to volunteer more.  I am wondering if my problems are the result of my a/d med being cut back.  I am on mirtazapine (which is generic remeron) and my psychiatrist cut me from 45 mg to 30 mg.  That was last December.  And to tell the truth I really didn't notice the difference except that my appetite greatly decreased and I was able to lose 35 lbs.  It could also be the fact that summertime is the time of year when I feel the worst. It has always been that way even when I was a kid.  I was always shipped off to sleep away camp for 2 months so my mother wouldn't have to bother with me.  I would love some feedback on this as I think maybe it is because of the season and not the med.  After all I was able to be fine on 30 mg for 6 mos.  And I don't want to go up again as I would probably feel worse if I put the weight back on.  and I can't do that with my son getting married.  I don't want to look like a cow especially since my ex is married to skinny minnie.  Any thoughts?

Hi Aurora,

Thanks Karen for your post.  I see my psych Dr next week so will talk to her about the meds.  I may just be having a bad time lately.  My older son returned today from his vacation so I am feeling better knowing I am not alone in the house.  I am taking my "dear" dil to lunch and botanic gardens on Mon.  I hope the day goes OK.  She actually is very shy one on one so I will probably havr to do most of the talking.  And I don't think she would do anything to upset me so it hopefully will go smoothly.  Will let you know.  As far as depression I have had it for a very long time although I didn't know what it was.  I can pinpoint it back to high school which for me was like the prehistoric era ago, lol. I only got treatment starting about 8 yrs. ago. Again I truly appreciate your posts - you always make me feel better and that is a wonderful thing for me.

Hugs, Aurora

Hiya,

I have heard of people suffering more in the winter but you are the first person that I have heard of who suffers more in the summer so this is a learning curve for me! I guess if you can treat SADS (Seasonal Affective DisorderS) in winter, you must be able to do something for the summer. Perhaps psychotherapy may help get to the root of why such a problem exists? Im stabbing in the dark, but I think im in the right area!

Darren

Good Morning Aurora,

I am sorry that summertime is tough for you.  It seems like the whole world is out there having fun, doing familiy things, taking vacations and here we sit.  Your not alone,  I feel that way summer and winter and I get stuck in the black hole just as you do. So how do you think we can break this cycle?

Hugs

Kitt

Thank you all for your replies.  I do see a counselor on a regular basis and we are working on this problem but as you say, it is not easy.  I think a lot of it has to do with my sons going away a lot in the summer to the resort where their grandparents are.  They have been going for years and have lots of friends there.  I used to go every summer when I was married and can no longer go so that probably has a lot to do with my bad feelings.  Not only do I feel bad I am always alone and that scares me.  Also, I know that they are having a good time and I am glad for that but I do not have any fun in the summer.  Right now financially I can't take a vacation.  Even if I could I don't know where I would go and I don't have anyone to go away with.  I am not one to sign on to a group where I don't know anyone and get paired with a roommate I wouldn't know.  I try my best to make plans with friends during the summer and that helps. I will see my psych Dr next week to discuss my meds.  Maybe I need to go up a little.

Hi Aurora,

I can understand the sadness because of the lonliness that you are experiencing. I think that in time you will get your own routine for the spring and summer and it wont affect you so much. It is obvious that you are use to having your sons around and it is hard for you when they are leaving. But it sounds like you are going to have to make a life for yourself, with yourself. And that just takes a little time. You have got to find what it is that you enjoy doing by yourself and start from there. I know that you can do this, it is like I say, just a matter of time. In the meantime you have to deal with this transition. And change is hard. But it is inevitable. And I do have faith that you can do this, just go with the flow and it will all work out.

In the meantime, also, we are here for you. So please don't hesitate to post when you need to. It does so much good to be able to bounce things off of the wall. And the feed back can be so helpful.

Thinking of you,
hugs, Karen...

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  Moderator-Depression

Heej Aurora,

It can be really hard if those who you love are leaving, and you are left alone. But I want to tell you something I probably told a thousand times before. Most of the things that make you feel bad seems to have it roots in the past (the summer, your sons when they are away, your ex). Worrying about the past is one of the most common things to do, everyone does it, but maybe you could try not to attach too much emotion to it. Accept it the way it is and act on that, but don't feel bad. Try to be constantly aware of the things that make you feel bad, because awareness of those things can lead to acceptance, and total acceptance can not create sadness.

I used to feel alone all the time, even when I was with others, so my experience with loneliness will differ from yours. However, there are things you could try (though they may be mentioned before). Do you have a hobby (gardening?), because there might be groups or clubs or organisations in your neighborhood sharing the same passions. I always had problems talking to people in real life, except when they talked about music. Music is my passion and somehow this makes that I can talk freely of it, to anyone. And of course keep posting here!

On last thing: The world is a reflection of the way you look at it. If you smile at it, it will smile back. Try to smile at everything that comes your way, and the world will smile back. I promise you that.

All the best,
Erik

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Acceptance is the key

Existential depression and Insecurity
Try to keep smiling! :)