I have a question for everyone...I just recently have gone through a break up. Although, he didn't actually want to "end it" or so he kept saying. He told me, eventually, that he was experiencing a state of depression and that for the past year, that he was "with me" he hadn't gone through that...so he thanked me for it, saying I was the reason.
We had a wonderful relationship, seriously. We believe the same things, have the same values, want the same things out of life...we were talking future marriage and everything was going exceptionally well. Until one day about
three - four weeks ago...it's like he's a totally different person. He told me last week, that all he wants to do is sleep, that he's isolated himself from everyone, including his family, that he just doesn't want to "talk" to anyone.
I know that he knows he's fallen into a state of depression...he's told me he can't "see" a future at all, not for himself and certainly not with anyone. He did lose interest in all the "normal" things he had been doing, sort of shutting himself up for two weeks or so. He told me at that point, that he just needed some "time"...to give him a few weeks to get back to normal. I didn't understand at all what was going on...so I said to him, "you'll never find anyone like me again"...his response was "I hope I don't have to look"...meaning, he hopes that I would still be here for him...he's told me several times now, just give him some time, a few weeks, etc.
Then, last week, he started talking to me again and sounded more "normal"...at least interested in some of the things we used to do together...but two nights ago he suddenly tells me that he just doesn't "feel" for me anymore, although he had been telling me each night again, that he loved me. He says in his mind, he knows he loves me and that I am everything he's ever wanted, but he just doesn't have the same feelings that he once had for me. That he thinks that maybe what he felt before was "puppy love" or something cause those feelings just aren't there anymore...mind you we are both in our mid 30's...we are not kids in high school.
Then he told me that I could find someone better than him and that basically, he just wants to be alone for the rest of his life...but at the same time, he tells me that he wants to share everything with me...that whenever something happens in his life, I am the first person he wants to call, etc. When I met him, all he could talk about
was how much he values marriage and wants to have a family one day...for a whole year, we have talked about
that...and now suddenly he thinks he will just be alone. ???
I am so dang confused, I don't know what to do. He's not on medication and actually refuses to take anything, saying that in the past when he tried it made him feel even worse, causing hallucinations and the feeling of being a zombie.
The thing is that for the entire year that we met...he was very positive, very confident and never had any doubts about
"us"...he knew exactly what he wanted and was very happy. I know he loved me without a doubt...I have cards and all sorts of things that he gave me saying as much, plus his actions...he was awesome. This just seemed to come from nowhere...one day he was all about
"I love you sweetie" and then next "I want to be alone"...???
I don't know how to handle this? Do I just give up on him and move on? I love him so much...we had planned to spend the rest of our lives together and I thought he was the man of my dreams...but I don't know how to handle this all...in fact, its causing me to go into my own state of depression. =(
We have tried just stepping back...trying to just take it easy, friends...but its really difficult for me...I don't want to be just his friend.
Could this be temporary? Should I give him the time he needs or should I realize that it is over? I just don't know what to do...his own words contradict himself and up until a month ago or so, I know he was deeply in love me...sending me cards, calling me several times a day...excited to talk to me and see me. Now, its like someone flipped a switch and its all different...although, he still wants to talk to me, he says I make him feel better whenever we do talk.
I don't get it...can someone give me some advice??? Is there any hope that we can make it out of this??
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