Posted 6/23/2008 4:20 PM (GMT -6)
Hi getting by,I want to thank you for responding to my Depression Problem.How long have you been depressed?If you don't mind me asking.
I don't think that my husband really know what depression really is.I have brought several phamlets home and left them laying around in hopes that he would pick them up and look at them,but I never knew if he did of not.I still have them and every now and then I will pull that out and read them,just to a sure myself,that depression is my problem.I just don't know why I cry all of the time.All I have to do is think about the past,or some good times that I have had and the tears just start flowing.
Every one on my father's side of the family is dead.I do have a couple of cousins left,but they don't have time for to stay in contact with me.I have lost everyone on my mother's side of the family.I lost my dad I was only 16yrs.old and he was 43 yrs.old,and my mom,I was age 30,and she was only 50yrs.old.They both died of cancer.I have a younger brother and sister who live in Tenn.,but I might as well be an only child.They don't bother with me,and I have no close friends around where I live.I also lost my mother's nephew,who I was really close to,After I lost my parent,I kind of adopted them as my second set of parent.We bacame really close and I starting going out to Oklahoma to see them every year.I also lost him to a major heart attact at age 60,two and a half years ago,and was not able to go his funeral,and that is also a loss that I carry about with me.He was my cousin,but like a,brother,father,and a good friend to me.I feel like I lost my truly my last and very best friend.I have not been out there since he died.He is the cause of a lot of my tears,but I can not help it.I have made friends over the Internet with the Ostomy Group,but those are the only friends that I have found to talk with,and my husband still don't understand why I am so depressed.I don't go anywhere that much.There are time when I asked myself what is the reason to get out of bed today.There are nights when I go to bed,I feel like I want to over dose,but I have 11 grand children and a great grand son to live for.I don't see any of them very much,but they are still in my life.I just have so many IF,Whys,WHATS and ETC.to think about.My body is phyicially a mess and so is my mind.
I can only afford to go to my phycologist once a month and my physiciatrist every other month.But if I am lucky enough to get my secondary insurance,I will be able to go see them both more often.
I feel like I have gone through most of my life smiling and laughing on the outside,but always crying on the inside.I don't know what I was last happy on the inside and the outside.Maybe some day I will find out.
Well,thanks for reading this and listening to me.I hope to hear from the depression fourm soon.I am glad that I found this site.I don't really feel all so a long any more.