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Regular Member

Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 175
   Posted 6/30/2008 1:35 PM (GMT -6)   
i hvaenet been on here much latley. i normally post on the ibs boards but lately everthnig is geting me down at the mo. i had thuoght thta my depression had gone away but it seems to bite back wehn i am not expceting it. over the last month i hvae had so many tests in hopstial. i am still giong for more tests and hvae to go in for an op on wednesday. i am struglling to come to terms wiht being ill all the time. i jsut want to be normal.  it seems to help wiht the stress. i was so desperate to talk to someone but didnet know who to turn to. i am under the mental haelth team but the pshcologist i see is away for the next few weks. so much seems to happen thta sometimes i feel like i am giong to explode. i raelly hate my self and my life. i feel thta evertyhing goes wrong for me. i donet raelly hvae anyone to talk to abuot it all. my wrok are not being very surportive and hvae had a go at me. thye clearly donet beivlive thta i am going for appoinments. last wek i had two days off as i was not well. my gp told me to take the time off. wehn i called my wrok to tell thme thye asked if i was at home as if to say i was wagging a day off. thye didnet belive thta i had to go into hosptail on wednesday.

today i feel like busting in to tears at any time. i am godparents to my niece but am not sure i am loking forward to the chrisneing. my anioxuty is high at mo and i know i will suffer from a panci attack. i donet feel comfortable in groups of people at mo. i hvae a condidtion where i may not be able to hvae chlidren and thta is raelly playing on my mind. well it has ever since she was born. i look at her and wonder if i will ever hvae kids.

i am not sleeping very well either at mo. i keep hvaeing nigthmares. ever since my nan went into hsoptial had a op and thne died i hvae been geting thme. four poele in my family has died recenly. i jsut want it all to stop. i am struggling to carry on ansd sometimes thnik it is not worth it. how can i keep going thuogh thsi hell.

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 6/30/2008 2:14:14 PM (GMT-6)

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42611
   Posted 6/30/2008 3:17 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi One day,

I am sorry that I had to delete a few words in your post.

I think that the reason that you want to hurt yourself is to feel something other than the depression that you are going through. But try not to do that, because it might feel okay at the moment, but after a while you will be ashamed and angry that you did it.

Come on here and talk. We will try to help you as much as we can. I am going to give you some numbers and websites to get into contact with if this continues.

Are you going to any counseling at the moment? That could be so helpful to you at this time. But in the meantime, keep posting, we are here for you.

National Suicide Hotline
1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433)
This is a combined network of the Amerian Association of Suicidology, the National Hopeline Network, CONTACT USA, and many other organizations. Call are automatically routed to the nearest crisis center to the phone from which the call for help is placed.

Helpful Web Sites:
Suicide Hotlines (listed by state) (includes Suicide Crisis Center and Depression and Suicide)

<!-- Edit -->Another great resource by S.A.F.E (self abuse finally ends) Alternatives

fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Post Edited (getting by) : 6/30/2008 2:21:30 PM (GMT-6)

Regular Member

Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 106
   Posted 7/2/2008 12:30 PM (GMT -6)   
I am so sorry that your co-workers are so cruel to you. Sometimes, adults aren't any better than children. I work in a big factory so I know how rotten people can be sometimes. Years ago, I ended up in the hospital because I tried to hurt myself. I went thru 4 different antidepressants and a TON of counseling. Just hang in there. Life really can get better for you. Please try counseling. If nothing else comes from it, sometimes just having an outside person to talk or vent to can make you feel so much better.

Please keep posting, the support we give each other is truly priceless.

Let us know how you're doing
Diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome, Epstein-Barr virus, and severe depression. Have been on Prozac, cylexa, Effexor, and Wellbutrin. Currently, I'm dealing with my own issues, as well as a husband in a rehab, who also is being diagnosed with depression.

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