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Emotional Blackmail

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Posted 7/1/2008 3:05 PM (GMT -7)
I became friends with a 57 year old man recently (I am 25). He has made it clear that he wants to be more than friends and I have made it clear that I don't. Earlier today he threatened to skull himself because I turned him down again. It is not the first time that he's tried this, and I always ignore him until he apologises because I try not to react to emotional blackmail. He knows I suffer from depression and that I have sh before and that both my brothers have sh, and I have explained to him that when he says things like this he scares me a lot. I do like him and enjoy being with him, but he pushes me so much and he doesn't seem to understand that I cannot deal with so much pressure. Even a colleague of his, another friend of mine, has asked him to back off and stop pushing me, but now he (the 57 yr old) thinks I'm seeing him and he just becomes more jealous. It's all become very difficult tonight as he's said it again and although he's text me since he threatened to skull himself, I can't help but worry about him. I'm not too sure where to go from here...
Posted 7/1/2008 4:09 PM (GMT -7)
You're definitely right on not giving in to his emotional blackmail, and it's very inconsiderate not to mention immature for him to play these games with you. It sounds as if this man has some serious problems if he's making these threats and getting jealous over a relationship that doesn't exist, when he has no right to be jealous in the first place. I have had someone pull this on me before, and I told him that not only was it not fair for him to do that but I wouldn't put up with it, and saying things like that reduces any chance whatsoever to zero. I cut off contact with him and he moved on and needless to say never did harm himself (although he did join the army...)

All I can say would be not to give in; continue to stand up for yourself and let him know it won't be tolerated and eventually he will move on. It's the same as with bullies- if you don't feed into it, they get bored and move on. You should not have to make yourself miserable on the off chance that this guy might do something stupid if you don't (and I bet he won't, or he would have done it after the first time).
Posted 7/1/2008 4:13 PM (GMT -7)
Hello and Welcome to HealingWell, I am Kitt.

I would never assume to tell you what to do but I would hope that you may have a therapist that could help you through this situation.

Emotional Blackmail is wrong and if you do not let yourself feel guilty or take on the responsibility for this persons behavior then he may stop with the blackmail.

Keep posting.

Kitt

Posted 7/2/2008 4:24 AM (GMT -7)
Hi Hone

This person sounds like he is not stable at all. I would limit your time with him. Maybe just keep him at arm's length for awhile.

Maybe explain to him ahead of time that you can't deal with his constant threats as you have enough to deal with in your own life.

Please be careful, if he is going to make threats like that,you never know what else he is going to pull.
Posted 7/2/2008 7:15 AM (GMT -7)
I agree with what was said above, you can't live your life based on what somebody else might do. He is being unfair to you and downright immature. He is twice your age also. So he knows exactly what he is doing to you. Don't tolerate it anymore. If he is going to off himself, he will do it no matter what. But I think that he is just playing on your sympathy. Not fair at all. I would distance myself from this man. It isn't worth the emotional trauma that it is doing to you.

Good luck,
Stay safe,
hugs Karen
Posted 7/2/2008 2:13 PM (GMT -7)
I think everyone has pretty much said what I wanted to! lol. He is being very childish and is trying to bully you into doing something you dont want to do. I would (personally) question whether that person was my friend or whether it was someone trying to use me. I think you were very strong to stick to your guns and I think you have done the right thing

Posted 7/4/2008 2:56 PM (GMT -7)
Thanks for all the help everyone. I'm feeling a lot better than when I last posted. I spoke to him yesterday, and told him that I needed him to back of a bit because he was putting me under too much pressure. He started to cry, but calmed down fairly quickly and seemed okay. He spent some time today trying to get me to meet him tomorrow, telling me that he needs me, but I told him no and he seems to have got the message (for now at least). As for his own mental state, I get the impression (from what I know about his past) he is very scared of being abandoned. I don't what to cut him off totally because I do care for him, although I get the impression I may have to do this at some stage.
Posted 7/5/2008 5:59 AM (GMT -7)
Hone

I hope he gets the message,you really need to watch out for yourself.


Please be careful with this guy,remember it is not up to us to change someone.. is he by chance under a doctor's care for depression or panic attacks? It really sounds like he could use the help.
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