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Regular Member

Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 228
   Posted 7/1/2008 6:38 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi everyone!
I haven't posted here in awhile. I wanted to update you on how I'm doing and tell you what I'm confused about. I have been working at my new job at the eye doctor's office (just for the summer) and I like it. I am going back to school studying to be an eye doctor end of July. I'm just scared I'm going to fail a class again. I'm terrified. I want to go back but I'm just scared. I'm having second thoughts about going back but being an eye doctor is something I really want to do.
Secondly, my ex-bf and I are friends again. But it seems like we talk about s** too much. Sometimes I initiate talking like that and sometimes he initiates it. Sometimes he asks me for pictures. I don't send pictures anymore because I feel bad doing that stuff since he doesn't want to be in a relationship with me again. I told him if we could just be friends without talking about s** and he said that was fine. But however sometimes at night before I go to sleep, I find myself wanting him to be laying next to me and have an urge to either call and text him.. and the topic usually comes up since one of us ends up feeling excited at the time. I don't know what to do. There is still a part of me that loves him and if he wanted to get back together with me I would consider it. I think I can find a better guy (so do my friends) but I enjoy being his friend. I want to be his friend without talking about that topic but it's hard for me since I'm still attracted to him. My counselor thinks he's taking advantage of me but I don't think he is since we're both attracted to each other. He is the one who doesn't want a relationship with me again though because of how I broke up with him 3 yrs ago since my parents did not like him. We have been friends with benefits since I broke up with him though. Now he lives in another state since we don't go to college anymore. We are in different grad schools. We both have not been in serious relationships since the breakup. However he's told me he's been in physical relationships with some other girls since the break up as have I. I got jealous after he told me that (which I know I shouldn't have since I'm his ex). I did not tell him I was jealous though. I don't want him taking advantage of me. My counselor thinks I should not talk about that topic with him even if he wants to but I find myself some nights just missing him and wanting him there with me and I start talking like that. What can I do so that I won't be "vulnerable" (my counselor thinks) Any suggestions?
Also, last week I had one pita chip before dinner and my dad started yelling at me telling me not to eat. I only had 1 and told him Dad it was just 1. He still got mad and said "LOOK AT THAT" and touched my stomach. I got SOO ANGRY I ran upstairs started yelling at him and crying. I didn't talk to him for 2 days. I have lost 9 lbs since March but it's still not good enough for my parents. I'm 5'5 and 145 lbs. They think I'm overweight. I'm shy to eat in front of them. My counselor says that my dad is emotionally abusive to me but I don't know. What to you think?

Post Edited (confusedgirl22) : 7/1/2008 5:44:14 PM (GMT-6)

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 6927
   Posted 7/1/2008 7:18 PM (GMT -6)   
Yes, your Dad is abusive. Check out the power and control wheel:

Plus, what your ex is doing is not good. I think your counselor is absolutely right you are vulnerable. You need to get yourself square away, before you get involved with anyone else. Hey we all miss having someone there, but I would rather be healthy alone, then unhealthy and unsafe with someone. When the time and the situation is right you will know it.

Reason for edit:

Have just made the link you gave clickable. Hope you dont mind hun. Darren

Post Edited By Moderator (djdaz_1985) : 7/2/2008 3:16:15 PM (GMT-6)

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1257
   Posted 7/1/2008 8:11 PM (GMT -6)   

Hi Confused,  I think your goal of becoming an eye dr. is a wonderful goal and when you finish school you will have a great career to look forward to.  If you are going back to school at the end of July it is not too far off.  Try not to be scared about school.  This is something you want to do and you have already invested tiime in your education.  You have a good summer job in your field and try to concentrate on doing well at it until school starts.  When I read what you said about your ex my first thought was that trying to be friends with him right now may be hurting you more than it is worth.  I think you might be better off making a clean break.  I know that sounds hard to do and maybe a bit harsh but having been in that type of situation before, I found it was better to make a clean break than to continue suffering especially when he tells you about other girls. As far as your father is concerned I think he is being abusive to you.  According to your height you are within the normal weight range.  Can your mother help you out and tell your father to stop his criticism? I think it would help if you had some emotional support from your family.  All of us on this forum want to help you and you have such a caring community of friends here. I don't want you to fret about school - I know you can do it and you just keep it in your mind that you will succeed.  Post anytime and I will answer back.  I don't know if I have helped but I sure do care about you and hope to hear again how you are doing. 


getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42531
   Posted 7/2/2008 9:08 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Confused,

I think Aurora and the others are right. Yes your father is abusive, I think that you already know that but may not want to admit it, after all he is your father and you want to respect him. But I think that he should respect you too.

As for your ex, yes he is taking advantage of you and showing you no respect. Though what you chose to do is up to you with that situation. I think that once you go back to college, you are going to meet somebody else. Somebody who will show you the respect that you deserve.

It wont be all that long before you go back to school. So keep that in mind. Study hard and take it seriously. Put your social life on hold until you are finished. This is very important for you and you don't want this time to be wasted. But this is all up to you. Only you can make these decisions for yourself. But try to take college seriously and do the very best that you can. You will be glad that you did.

Good luck,
Luv and hugs, Karen
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Elite Member

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 7/2/2008 10:01 AM (GMT -6)   

Hi Confused,

I am sorry your going through this but may I suggest that you work more with your counselor and stop the pillow talk texting with the ex, as long as your willing to meet his needs, he will continue.  You are both using each other as you stated you often bring up the topic.  I lean toward agreeing with what the others have said..............until this stops you are  in a bad situation.

Your Father is abusive...............It seems to me you are a bit old to be taking any more from him.  Is he a physical threat to you? Another topic you will do well at working on with your therapist.

Take care and be safe.



Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety, Panic & Depression 
*~* *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~

Regular Member

Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 228
   Posted 7/3/2008 9:14 AM (GMT -6)   
Thank you all for your replies. I have stopped talking about s** with my ex. I talk about other things with him. We agreed we will be friends. My father has been nicer the past few days. Thanks again for your support!
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