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Regular Member

Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 191
   Posted 7/11/2008 1:44 PM (GMT -6)   
Since I was 17, I've been depressed. I don't get along with my family at all, and always get in tiffs with my friends that really start to rupture good friendships. I know its mostly my fault.
I'm a very quiet and reserved person, so alot of things to me are private.
I want nothing more than to go back to school. Im in my second year of college, and Im having trouble paying off last year. I need to pick classes for this year but I cant until I take care of the money.
My parents agreeably decided to help me out, and were supposed to go with me today to pay everything off. Now my mother is ignoring, acting like I never said anything. So here I am without a schedule and without any hope.
How I feel right now is how I felt at my lowest point in life. It brings back sad memories of the times I drove a blade down my arm, or beat myself up trying to kill whatever was on the inside that was maknig me so crazy.
I feel like a constant disappointment to myself and to other people, and I dont see any future for myself. I have no idea what I'm doing anymore I just constantly cry. I feel like I'm spinning around without a chance to stop and breathe.
My family wont support me, my friends are starting to ignore me because they cant stand my quiet personality, and now I cant even go back to school. I have no idea what Im gonna do. Im really tired of life. I know death isnt the answer,but I'm just looking for a solution to make everything right. I just need a little help...from someone...anyone who cares...
-Anxiety Attacks-
-Daily Migraine Headaches-
-Chronic Pain-
Daily Amitriptyline
"Tell them to look up. Tell them to remember the stars."

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42536
   Posted 7/11/2008 3:58 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Sweetie,

It has been a while since you have posted. I am so happy that you decided to come back for support.

Have you ever applied for a grant? If you are eligible, you don't have to worry about paying it back. Also there are student loans. That would be something to look into. I would especially check out the grant. I am sorry that your family had you thinking that they would help and then didn't. That must of been hard for you to handle. It would be for me.

When you are down like this, we tend to look at things in a negative way. I am sure that your friends still love you and don't mind if you are quiet. I get in situations where I get very quiet and people think that I am mad at them, but I am not. I sometimes have to explain to them that it is just the way that I get at times. Maybe you should try talking to them about it. If they don't understand, then they weren't friends to begin with.

I hope all works out well for you so that you can go to school. Talk to an adviser if you need to. It is a place to start.

Good luck,
hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

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