Today was a nothing day, really, but I had a very peculiar feeling - almost like I could sense that I've been on her mind for a while now. I used to love this feeling, because I was always right. Now, I'm afraid of this feeling... because I was always right.
I've always had the ability to 'sense' her. Or at least I convinced myself of this... and she told me that I was always right.
Point and case - She had received an e-mail from an old friend that pissed her off. I told her not to respond, and she told me she deleted it. about
6 hours later, I had a feeling that she was writing him back. I called her and asked why she sent the e-mail, and she asked how I knew. She had just clicked send, and I confirmed the time later when she showed me what she wrote back.
If I'm right, this confirms 50% of what I've been wondering about
when I think about
her; whether she still thought about
me. There are moments when I think about
her and get mad/sad, moments where I get no feeling at all, and others that tell me she's thinking about
me at that same moment/time frame.
Of course, I will not be calling/texting/e-mailing because this would make me look weak. And I am, to an extent, because I keep thinking/talking about
her. And I do not want to be or appear to be weak. But I'm hung up on her... because I want a connection?
I went to my grandmother's 70th birthday dinner tonight with my family, and my brother just kept telling me to stop mentioning her altogether. No matter what I need to say, even if she was involved, I can tell the story and exclude any mention of her. This is a good idea in theory, but how do I do something like this? I don't even know if I could, until I meet someone else...
For as far as I've come, I seem to be stuck in this tug-of-war in my head. I'm mad at her on one end, and I miss her on the other.
Post Edited (Staveandor) : 7/18/2008 12:29:56 AM (GMT-6)