Supportive friend now depressed

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Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 7/15/2008 6:21 PM (GMT -6)   
In the past 6 or so months I have experienced an extreme bipolar episode that was only recently calmed completely a couple weeks ago. I had a friend who constantly supported me throughout the whole ordeal however my episodes made me completely irrational, making me yell at him and doing awful things that really frightened him. Afterwards I would feel incredibly awful and apologize over and over and he would say that he understands that it wasn't really me and forgives me as soon as it happens. Now that my bipolar is dealt with however, my friend has had more time to think about himself rather then me and now has mood swings as he thinks about how horrible the experience was for him. I comfort him daily, telling him that it's all over and that it wasn't really me, however it only seems to help him for a little while. Today he said he was a crazy mood and that he never wanted to talk about it again which is understandable, however he said he was getting random thoughts in his head like "I hate" "****ing stop" "god" and "kill". He promises he isn't mad at me but he isn't sure what he's mad at. He says that he just needs time but I'm worried about him. I want to help him in any way I can but I don't know how, I feel guilty beyond measure even though I know it wasn't really me and I couldn't control who I was.

getting by
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Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42499
   Posted 7/15/2008 8:16 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Chrono3,

One person cannot hold another person responsible for their moods. So this isn't your fault. It is most like cooincidence. So don't blame yourself one more minute.

I would say that the best thing you can do is try to talk him into going to a doctor and get some help for his matter of thinking. And for the moodiness. Either that or some counseling or both.

Now I would like to welcome you to healing well and the depression forum. There are a wonderful group of members here and I think that they can come up with some good advice for you. In the meantime keep posting. I hope that you can come to realize that this isn't because of you.

Best wishes to you,
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 2408
   Posted 7/16/2008 3:56 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi there,
Im gonna disagree with Karen on this one (Sorry Hun! :-) ). I think she is right in saying that this is not your fault but im not sure that this is a co-incidence. It would be impossible for an interaction between two people not to have an effect on both people. For example... if one person tells a funny joke: Both people laugh and feel happier. If someone is supporting you then I think its important that someone else is supporting them. The problem probably isnt as big as yours was but sometimes friends can need time to re-adjust their minds or even a course of counselling. 
I hope what I have said makes sense

Everyone has a guardian angel. They help pick you up when you fall, comfort you through your times of need and help you appreciate the times when things are going well.
"A gold medal is a wonderful thing. But if your not enough without it, you will never be enough with it." - Irvine Blitzer (John Candy) in Cool Runnings
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getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42499
   Posted 7/16/2008 12:26 PM (GMT -6)   
That is okay Darren,

That is what this board is all about, different advice from different people. I guess that his depression could be from helping her, but I don't think that she should feel guilty for his problem.

I think though that she could guide him to getting help like she did for herself. But when it comes down to it, it is up to him to do it. So I don't want to have her feel responsible for his problems. But we do own our own moods. It is up to the individual to control the way that he/she feels.

No problem with the disagreement, just a difference of opinions. Thank you my friend...

Best wishes to all,
hugs, Karen...
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

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