hey every1, im very new to this site, and im very shy about
this stuff. i have been depressed for most of my life and for the past 4 years it has been getting worse. i live in a very small town in tennessee and there are no youth groups to attend so thats why i came here, u see im am mostly depressed because i have no friends, no one will hire me for a job, and no one cares about
me. i live with my dad who has been in a wheelchair since i was a year old, and my mom who lives in colorado for most of my life has severe drinking problems and lately she was diagnosed sirocis of the liver and does not care to live much more, she was the only women im my life that said she loved me, sadly. for some of the things ive always longed for companionship and raising a family and giving them a life that wasnt as dark and gloom as mine was. but i feel like no one will ever love some1 as ugly as me unless i had money
. on a differant subject i have had a identity crisis for most of my life and i dont know what i want todo with it, i always wanted to feel important and special to people but all they do is shun me and ignore me and make me look like im crazy. i am not much of a suicidal person, i use to be more of one when i was a teen, and i always thought that if it was gonna be this way till i was in my 30s then i couldnt go on anymore. i always wanted to leave this small dirty town and find somewhere i belong but i dont know where to go and i dont have the money and the way things are i wont have the money. u see i didnt always live in this town, i was born in california but we only lived there for 1 year and i was too young to remember that place. we have moved from one place to anougher for most of my life so i couldnt make any friends. i just had to accept the fact that losing a friend was apart of life. im not much of a therapist person and i dont like taking pills, thats because when i was a child i was diagnosed adhd and bi-polar and they gave me a very mean and rude therapist and loaded me up on 10 pills of ritalen per day. i just wanted to know of a place i can go to talk to people and find a relationship with some1 who knows what this feels like in real life.