I agree with everything you just said confused! lol I do the same thing. Karen, you will be so proud(!), I have been going out alot more, being with friends, going to the mall, etc...and I can be with them and feel so alone still. I can talk to them and feel totally ok, but the second I get quiet I lose the connection with them and my mind picks up on something and I start thinking about
some other thing(s). I was trying to stay with it yesterday, but I have a hard time saying things, I guess I have a huge fear of saying the wrong thing to someone... but, I would listen to all of them and sometimes I would break in and tell my story or something else, but then it was like they went on and my time was up..and I was started wondering on...
Karen, I have become that quiet person. I never was before. I liked it better before. I was never a loud person or over-talked, but at least I talked! People are always asking me why Im not saying anything, I just say because I have nothing important TOO say! I like never say anything unless I feel its important... Sometimes I can be very random, I can be thinking of something way off-topic to what the others are talking about
and I will almost make myself laugh and say something out loud...then they all laugh...so I tend to be that random person.
I guess it bothers me more that I have such a hard time focusing. There is one thing that worries me most, and please dont freak out or get worried. I have been a good driver! But, sometimes when I drive my mind is wondering and the whole time its like I keep smacking my brain to get it to focus on driving. I dont take my eyes off the road, but sometimes I have these thoughts that somethings going to happen. Im going to wreck or something. One day it was really bad.
I had to drive my dad somewhere, but I didnt feel like it really, but I went. My mind kept flashing with images of things. I felt like I really wasnt there, but I had to be because I was driving. I felt like things would go blurry when my mind flashed. My head felt really weird. I almost told him to drive back home, but I didnt want to explain why. It was ok, ya know. But, I just sometimes get the thoughts of actually wanting to wreck.
I wish there was a switch I could turn. Or something to help me focus, or not to worry.... sigh...thanks for the posts.. I just really needed to vent.
"Healing is an energy phenomenon. Hope is another
word for Healing.
"Cracks in the concrete are just reminders that you fall apart
no matter how strong you are"
"Sometimes it is best to forget what you feel and remember what you deserve"
"Im going to
smile like nothing is wrong, talk like everything is perfect, act like its all a dream, and pretend its not hurting me."