First of all, welcome to HealingWell. I think that this is going to be an interesting topic. There are a lot of us who struggle with the same thing. We could all learn from this.
I think, loving yourself means accepting yourself for who you are. Being good to yourself. And learning to live with any so called flaws. Getting to know yourself I think would fall in there somewhere too. Though for some of us, that takes a lifetime. We change from day to day to become who we actually are.
This could become a very deep topic. But I think that your therapist is right about
you not being able to truly love somebody until you learn to love yourself. By the sound of it you are posessive. Which means that somewhere inside you, you are insecure. You feel that you have to control the other person in order to hold on to them. Well you really don't need to feel that way. That other person will be there if they want to, if they want to walk away, they should have the right to do that too. You need not control that. If you have confidence in yourself, you don't feel the need to control the invironment around you so much. You need to be able to go with the flow of things so to speak.
In other words, When you are feeling good about
yourself, you are not needy. You don't feel the need to control other people. You have the confidence to let them be free to come and go as they please. You feel good whether or not they are around. You are happy within your own skin. You are happy with yourself. You are not needing somebody else to make you feel better about
yourself. So Yes, you need to learn to love yourself before you can truly love someone else. You don't own other people, your girlfriend is not an item that belongs to you. She is there because she wants to be, not because you want her to be. My late husband was obssessive and posessive as you are, that only pushes the other person away. It also causes resentment.
How does that old saying go? If you love something, set it free. If it is to be yours, it will come back to you. If it doesn't, it wasn't meant to be in the first place. That is how you need to feel about
people too. You can't control other people and you really shouldn't want to in the first place. We are all free. So work on being comfortable with yourself. Like yourself, love yourself. Care about
yourself, stay healthy. Treat your mind and body good. Eat good food, exercise. Whatever it takes to be kind to yourself and help yourself to grow physically and mentally.
I hope that this helps you some
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies