You have a lot to deal with in your life lunardance - but I can see from reading your posts that you actually are stronger than you think
It always amazes me when people say to me that I am such a strong person -and it's usually when I am feeling at my most vulnerable and feeling stink about myself. But it is how I appear on the outside..
Depression is as invasive as we wanna let it be really..we actually can choose to be defined as someone who is depressed or someone who is willing to learn new skills, take meds as necessary and beat depression off with a very big stick and make the most of every day we are above ground..sheesh lol - there you have it!
But Always paddle your own Canoe...